Miley Cyrus Quits Twitter, Twitter Quits in General

Miley Cyrus, progeny of 90’s superstar Billy Ray Cyrus who does not and never did suck so bad, has deleted her Twitter account and it fucking sucks.  President Obama said that.  In fact, here’s an excerpt from the press conference;

Obama:  It fucking sucks.

Pope Benedict:  Yes.  Jesus is very chagrined.

Oprah:  Balls!  Cock and balls!

Obama:  Good point, Oprah.  Fuck.

David Spade:  I concur!

Pope Benedict:  Shut the fuck up and get a haircut. No one likes you.

As you can see, the world is in turmoil.  It’s hard to even form coherent thoughts to try to understand this situation, but what are we left with?  So many fans who can’t understand anything more than 140 characters at a time are at a loss.  Why would Miley do this?

The answer is that Miley hates you.  You, personally.  Not “everyone” in that diffuse sense, but you.  You fucker.  You made Miley leave Twitter.  All she was doing was tweeting about pimples and getting her hair done and pretend feuds with the other kidlets that live in the Disney warehouse storage locker with her, and you have to go blog about it, you fucking blogger.  You took the insignificant details of her life that were os insignificant even she realized, sometime later, that they were insignificant, and made her feel bad about posting them.  Cock and balls!!  Oprah was right!

The stress of being on and then leaving Twitter was too much for Miley’s already fragile psyche and the result was her completely losing her shit.  Fortunately she filmed and produced that event in the form of a dreary early 90’s-esque rap performance that explains why she quit Twitter and why you, personally, she be disgusted with yourself for depriving the world of tiny little bites of boring as fuck news about Miley Cyrus’ day to day activities.

Presumably Twitter itself will shut down now and that will cause a lot of the internet that’s in that corner of town to close as well.  Our map of the internet (provided free of charge to websites by our friends at Google) shows that Twitter is not all that far from websites like Kleenex.com, the government of Maryland and at least three hundred porn sites, none of which will be able to sustain themselves any longer.  So basically Baltimore is going to have to be annexed into the sea.  That’s about 2.7 million people we have to drown now, plus Kleenex and all that porn.

Thanks a lot, you.  Thanks a fucking lot.