Miley Cyrus Hates Gay People (and you, too)

It’s official, Miley Cyrus is on a quest to destroy everything and everyone.  There’s no stopping her.  If she had her way, you would be dead and eaten by wolves right this very second, it’s not even a joke.  She actually, literally said that probably at some point to someone maybe.  Literally.  Miley Cyrus is a rage-fuelled supervillain.

In her latest outburst of hate, Miley thoroughly destroyed the psyche of everyone in attendance at a concert and not just by playing her music the way you’d assume she’d shatter brains, oh no.  As witnessed in the youtube clip, which you may need to listen to more than once to catch, Miley sings the words “you’re vain, you’re gay.”  That’s right, she said it.  It’s no Klaatu Barada Nikto but it’s something.  Something sinister.

Immediately after Miley’s fury vomit, scores of tweens took to the streets with baseball bats and anti-homosexual batons to beat and terrorize the gay population as children are wont to do on the rare, unprecedented occasions when someone under the age of 20 dare utters the word “gay” in a demeaning fashion, which our research tells us has only happened once before in an event that lead to the Great Gay Fire of San Francisco back in 1816.

FunnyCrave staff called up some scientists at the National Science Centre for Science and the Advancement of Scientiffery and asked them what they made of all this.  The first three scientists had panic shits right on the phone and couldn’t speak to us, but a 4^th chap was most informative.

As Dr. Nicolas Bastaard explained, when a celebrity reaches a certain point of media saturation, the society as a whole turns against them and even minor indiscretions are played out as huge infractions and assaults on people as a whole.  So when a young person says something like “gay,” despite millions of other people doing the same thing on a regular basis, rather than it being the sort of issue you frown upon and use as an opportunity to explain to your children issues of sensitivity and prejudice, it becomes the equivalent of a public lynching where everyone wants to act like the person, in this case Miley Cyrus, is in fact the devil incarnate.  Of course in this case it’s a little different because Miley Cyrus is, in fact, the devil incarnate.

Wow, isn’t that amazing?  So according to science, Miley Cyrus is evil.  Oh, and that other stuff about how no one gives a damn when 1,000 other people say the exact same thing, it’s just fun to pick on Miley Cyrus because she’s the punching bag du jour.  But yeah, evil.  Scientifically.