Miley Cyrus and Bret Michaels Team Up to Ruin Your Brain [video]

Arguably, the one thing the world doesn’t need is a cyborg clone of Hitler.  That aside, also on the list of things not needed anywhere at any time is a duet with Miley Cyrus and former Poison frontman Bret Michaels.  Michaels, as you may know, gave up the tiniest shred of credibility he ever had when he became a VH-1 mainstay in a series of increasingly preposterous reality dating shows that basically turned him into the white Flavor Flav but without the funny helmets.

The two teamed up, presumably after being matched up in Hell’s recording studio, to sing “Nothing to Lose,” words likely scrawled in the suicide notes of many of the sorts of people who would be inclined to listen to this song for anything other than the sheer grisly, deplorable thrill of it.  It’s a fucking duet between a 46 year old deviant and a 17 year old girl who both sings the words “if I fall for you, could you fall for me” without once breaking character and yelling “psych!” into the microphone.  Come on, man.  Come on.

There’s actually a point in the song when Miley, singing backup, offers this exact quote “Ahhwaallaallaa!”  No shit.  Bret Michaels says something about wearing his heart on his sleeve, and Miley just evacuates her insides for a second, and the song continues.

If I can take just a second to also say – is anyone surprised Miley Cyrus is a fan of Poison?  And that she has a cover version of Every Rose Has Its Thorn?  Poison is a joke the 80’s played on modernity, along with every other band where no less than half of the band members could have been mistaken for lipstick lesbians at a distance of 10 yards or greater.

Anyway, back to the song.  Michaels goes on to sing about how he and his school-aged paramour both have scars.  Arguably Michaels are from a string of crazy reality show bitches and/or bottles that CeCe DeVille smashed on his head back in the day.  Miley’s are probably from the fences around the Disney lot where she’s held during off hours, or the emotional kinds that come from having Billy Ray as a father.

Later, Bret and Miley together let us know that they can’t resist as they slowly get undressed.  If you’re ever in a room with Bret Michaels and he’s slowly getting undressed, it’s because he thinks you see like the Jurassic Park T Rex and he doesn’t want you to notice him until his half-staff, substance-abused wang is already deployed and set on target.

Before we go, it’s worth noting no one at FunnyCrave gives a shit that Miley Cyrus is actually only 17 singing this song with Michaels – that’s vaguely creepy but whatever.  The problem here is that, like cyborg Hitler, what the fuck?  Hannah Montana?  Rock of Love?  Come on!  Michaels can’t sing romantic-type songs for a living any more, he spends one season of every year making out with strangers under the guise of finding true love with women deluded enough to actually want to spend time with Bret Michaels.  In 2010.

As an added bonus, here’s hilarious video of Michaels getting rocked by a prop.