Mice Born Without Sperm Live longer

Science has never given us nothing.  That’s a fact.  If you rely on science, you get all manner of crazy things like evolution, talking toasters, a stationary sun and black holes.  Black holes?  Really, science?  If we believe you, we’re all going to get sucked to death one day.  Maybe.  Thanks for nothing.

Or thanks for this.  You can ignore most science in favor of making up things as you go along, but this one’s a keeper and you should thank science for it over and over again.  See, turns out these sciencey guys, we’ll call then Scienceatarians, did a little genetic insanity with mice and managed to create offspring from two females – so no male and no sperm was involved.  The result were second generation mice that lived almost 200 days longer on average than regular mice.  No big deal?  The regular mice only live about 600 days to begin with.  So mice with no fathers can live up to a third longer.  That’s like a human living to around 120 or so.

At this point you may be having the exact wrong reaction to this story.  You may be thinking that science not only just showed men are pretty much not necessary for life to continue, but that life would actually be better without them.  But you’d be wrong, that’s not the message here at all.  Science just proved lesbians are awesome.

It seems like a no brainer to high five the idea of lesbians, but until now the awesomeness of lesbians has only been anecdotal.  There’s been no hard evidence that comes right out and says, definitively, yes, lesbians are awesome.  But now there is.  Now lesbians can stand proud, and maybe wear some kind of homemade button, that assures the rest of the universe they are awesome.  How awesome?  Awesome enough to make another life form live longer.   If your mom was a lesbian, you’d live another 25 years or so.

How will science use this newfound information?  It’s hard to say.  Science moves slowly but the rest of us have no time for that.  We need grassroots movement on this groundbreaking information and we need it now.  FunnyCrave proposes the following.

- Lesbians should be stationed at all government buildings, malls, postal outlets, grocery stores and banks

-Lesbian Rental Services, where for an hour or two, you can have lesbians come to your home and watch TV, accompany you to a film or just stand near your property

- How to Lesbian classes conducted by real lesbians to demonstrate to non-lesbians the tricks of the trade.

-Sounds of the Lesbian CDs to put you to sleep so that your subconscious can absorb as much lesbian as possible

-National Hug a Lesbian Day

-Three Legged Lesbian Races every Friday, everywhere

- Someone should see if there’s some way to get pictures of lesbians on the internet.  We did a Google search over here but couldn’t find anything.