Maury Povich Merchandise Makes You Even Classier

Long has mankind watched in awe and respect as each and every week, intrepid champion of paternity and chicks with dicks Maury Povich attempts to sort out some of life’s little foibles, like how many dicks can a woman take in what should arguably be a fairly easy to track period of time such that she isn’t sure who the father of her child is.  The record thus far seems to be in the 20’s somewhere.  Maury wants to alleviate the stress these rancid, rancid whores must be under, not knowing which of the many, many many many men they boned fathered the child.  Many.  Many men.  But this sort of thing doesn’t come cheap.  Maury now has to fundraise.

Maury’s industrious solution to housing all his trannies and single mothers comes in the form of wicked awesome t shirts.  Like this one that lets you proudly state you impregnated someone and found out about it on TV

Or this one, that says you banged her but must have misfired, so some other sap is the father.

And let’s not forget these, because you’re never to young to be ashamed.

But is this enough?  Surely Maury can do more to turn a buck.  Lucky for him, FunnyCrave is on the case and we’ve come up with a few more slogans to appeal to guests, the studio audience and those of us at home!