Map of Sin Says You’re Doomed, Sucka

The Kansas State University Geography department is awash in misery as you’d expect any geography department in Kansas to be and worse, they want you to be miserable with them.  Miserable not because you’re in Kansas getting Ds for continually using blue to color land on your maps, but because you’re going straight to hell and they proved it scientifically.  Or as scientific as geography gets.  And honestly, just because it sounds sciencey with that graphy suffix, no one’s buying it, geography.  Nice fuckin’ globe, by the way.

Anyways, the folks in Kansas decide to map out the 7 Deadly Sins for your visual pleasure and to also let you know what you should be watching out for with your neighbors.  Thanks to this handy map you’ll be able to gauge whether or not it’s likely the guy across the street who keeps buying all that margarine is more apt to kill you or fuck you.  Or possibly kill fuck you, which is like one of the 6 worst things that can happen to a person.

You’ll notice that the color scheme on the map paints Kansas itself as quite saintly which is clearly bullshit as if do a Google image search for “Kansas anal” and turn off safe search you’ll get nothing but filthy images and virus-encrusted websites.  No one’s buying you’re innocent act, Kansas.  Nice fuckin’ globe, by the way.

The map of lust. Don't fuck anyone in Alabama

Another curiosity on the map is the suspicious lack of anything damning as it relates to Nevada.  There appears to be a touch of envy there and they’re on the saintly side when it comes to lust.  In Nevada.  This is because they use totally skewed results.  Lust, for instance, is based on the number of reported STD cases but everyone knows herpes is exported from Las Vegas, not imported.  So all that nastiness that you’re seeing on the map in North Carolina and Alabama probably started somewhere way more fun and just came back when the vacation ended.

These people will mug your ass.

Then stab it.

In terms of personal safety you apparently never want to go to Florida.  Don’t visit, certainly don’t move there and probably it’s best not to really look directly at it on the map.  It’s riddled with theft and violent crime.  But then again so is a huge chunk of the South.  Southern hospitality may not be what it once was.  Unless it always was kicking your ass and taking your wallet.  Then that whole kill fuck thing.

Texas loves ham.

As a final note, raise a glass to Texas, which skirts through most of the maps unnoticed until gluttony shows up, then like a grease stain spackled across the shorts of someone at a KFC who’s been taking Alli, Texas stands proud as the apparent birthplace of fat assery.

Don’t blame us though, blame Kansas and their geography nerds.