Man Slaps Child at Walmart; Puts Local Slappers Out of Work
Sep 03, 2009 - By Ian Fortey
Apparently not everyone in Georgia is a peach, unless by peach you mean douche rat. And if you do, you should probably just say douche rat as peach is just confusing in that context. That aside, Roger Stephens, a 61 year old man trying to enjoy his bargain shopping in peace lost his shit when another shopper’s child wouldn’t stop crying. You know how that’s annoying, right? And how sometimes you’re all like “Man, I’m gonna just go be fucking crazy now and slap that child that I’ve never even met before, right here in a Wal Mart, because I’m pretty sure that won’t be the worst decision I’ve ever made and get me plastered all across the news as some kind of psychotic dick face. Yeah, this is brilliant. Then I’m gonna buy a hoagie.?” You don’t think that? Huh…
Anyway, Stephens never got the hoagie we assume he wanted to buy. Instead, he told the mother of a crying two year old that if she didn’t shut her kid up he’d do it for her, the age old threat of grandparents from the 1960’s or so. Apparently the woman didn’t heed the crazy old man warning and a few minutes later in a different aisle while the little girl was still crying, Stephens approached them, grabbed the kid, and smacked her across the face four or five times. The reports don’t indicate if he took any candy from her at this point, however he did boast to the mom by saying “See, I told you I’d shut her up.” Probably the kid was still crying though.
As Mr. Burns Stephens continued on, wallowing in his own sense of old cunt superiority, the cops were called because, despite what you’d think, you actually aren’t allowed to do that sort of thing, not even in a Wal Mart where it seems like most people should be either crying or slapping someone.
Stephens was charged with felony cruelty to a child or for furthering degrading the image of Wal Mart or something like that. The formal charge doesn’t really compare to the real life shitstorm he’s going to have to face from total strangers who are now going to look him up online, find his address and harass him mercilessly for months to come.
Friday, September 4, 2009 6:21AM
[...] that guy in Georgia has taught us anything, it’s that old people are assholes. But beyond that, he also taught [...]
Friday, September 4, 2009 7:39PM
True, the man never had the right to hit the child, but I too am sick of mothers who let their children scream at the top of their lungs constantly. They upset the entire store, and it's easy to see how that might cause someone under extreme stress to behave irrationally. There is no reason such mothers can't pick up their children and leave immediately. Most cashiers across the country are laughing at this (not about the actual hitting but the fact that they have so often secretlly wished they could do the same.)
This mother is coming out in shining colours. She deserves to be reprimanded for her lack of respect for other people too.
Friday, September 4, 2009 7:45PM
Well, here at Funnycrave, we take this sort of story very seriously, as you can see from this follow up story…
http://funnycrave.com/a-practical-guide-to-slappi...
Monday, September 7, 2009 10:55AM
Guess what babies and children cry, it’s not as though you’re at a movie or a solemn event where silence is needed. If adults can talk loudly on their cell phone, a child can cry. Some single parents can’t afford a sitter every time they go to the store, or one or both parents work and so they can’t leave the child home with their spouse. For all you know the kid is sick or disabled, and thy’re picking up medication. So a Mom’s not allowed to shop? Should she give in everytime a child throws a fit to make someone else happy? I say get over yourselves. Yes, if it is excessive she should take the child out of the situation but that is not always possible.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009 6:30PM
Shut up Cindy.
Friday, September 11, 2009 3:29AM
CHILDREN ARE A PART OF LIFE AND THEY CRY GET OVER IT!!!!! MAYBE YOU NEED TO LIVE IN A PLACE WHERE THERE ARE NO KIDS LIKE A SENIOR CITIZENS COMPOUND!!!!!!!!!