Lil’ Wayne’s Teeth Are a Disaster

While reading up on Lil’ Wayne, why not catch up on his headlines as well:

As we reported last week, rapper Lil’Wayne is off to serve his 1 year prison sentence for carrying enough weapons to overthrow a small country while not having a permit to carry that many weapons. Shortly after we reported this, news broke that Mr. lil’s sentence was postponed due to some kind of medical emergency, the severity and nature of which was not disclosed.

Today, we’ve finally received word on just what that medical situation was: Lil’ Wayne has the oral hygiene of some kind of indigenous Amazonian tribesman that screams at planes flying overhead and thinks toothbrushes can steal a warrior’s spirit. And don’t even get him started on dental floss (it looks too much like the Peniouku, the God of impotence).

When most people have bad dental problems, they have to get a root canal. Maybe they’ve been neglecting their brushing or something. That’s what Wayne’s problem was. He needed a root canal. Eight of them. Let’s put that in numerical terms so it will be easier for you to understand…

The entire procedure took 8 hours. The doctor had to not only perform the root canals, but had to replace teeth with implants (silicone, I believe), and had to re-fit his $150,000 set of grills, because by the end of the procedure his teeth were a completely different shape and uniform.

His teeth were a wasteland. If you were to test the pH balance of his salvia, the litmus paper would turn in to a deep shade of Fuck You. It was so bad in there that the U.N was about to officially recognize his mouth as a sovereign nation, populated by millions of bacteria colonies that have a partially chewed food-based economy. His mouth was so horrendous it was once confused for Amy Winehouse by the paparazzi.

I got a million of’em.