KFC is Racist!

Don’t watch the above video yet.

Word hit the street this week that KFC is racist.  And by street we meant Youtube.  And by word we mean a video.  And by racist we mean KFC is worse than Hitler AIDS.  Worse than.  In the history of worse, there’s never been a worse than KFC with their flagrant disregard for humanity.

Don’t watch the video.  Here’s what happens; this Aussie fella has some chicken.  And he’s surrounded by black people from the West Indies.  Yeah, “West” KFC.  More like Cotton Farm Indies, right?  Is that what you meant?  More like Uncle Ben’s factory?  More like Aunt Jemima’s outhouse?  More like on their knees cleaning your precious, alabaster grout you fuckers?

It gets worse.  The Aussie guy pulls out some KFC and he goes “Hey, all you inferior black people, you oughtta be doing my lawn work for no money or I’ll beat you, as is my right as a member of a superior race, that being Caucasian while you are noticeably inferior and most likely genetically identical to monkeys.  How you guys even manage to speak blows my mind a little.  Here’s some chicken for you to fight over, you inferior specimens that even science admits are not fully human.  By the way, clean my alabaster grout or I’ll beat you.”  Word for word, that’s the text to this commercial.  Did you read it with a somewhat irreverent Australian accent?  Go back and read it that way.

Unsurprisingly, this commercial has ruffled some feathers.  The feathers of idiots.  Go watch the commercial.

First, you’ll notice two things.  This is Australia and they seem to be watching Cricket if the title is to be believed.  No one in America knows what Cricket is, but we assure you it’s a sport.  A foreign one.  One that, in this case, is taking place between the West Indies and the Australian team.  And the one, lone Aussie fan is in an awkward spot, see.  Because he’s amidst the fans of the other team.  So how does he chill them out and avoid mob violence, as is wont to happen at all foreign sporting events?  He busts out some fuckin chicken.

In American, there’s a stereotype about black people loving fried chicken.  In Australia, there’s a marketing department who thought there’s a big game going on, let’s show how you can bring to divisive sides together over our tasty, salty food product.  No one could have predicted just how stupid the internet is though, because science can’t come up with a formula that can manage such intensity.  Nasa has been trying to understand the stupidity of the internet since 1998 and so far nothing.  Stephen Hawking already said “fuck it.”

So people on the internet, who assume anytime a black person is shown with chicken means racism is afoot, have made what would otherwise be a totally forgettable commercial into a viral non-controversy.  Isn’t that weird?  Yes, yes it is.  Anyway, we’re off to get some chicken.