Kanye West is Retarded, Taylor Swift Gets Front Row Seats

Probably by now you know that Kanye West is the musical equivalent of a spastic colon.  It’s unpredictable and full of shit and it’s bets to keep your distance.  Unfortunately for some people that’s just not an option as, despite common sense indicating this is a poor decision in the making, people keep inviting Kanye out to public places.   Even though Kanye West is retarded.

Like a child who has to wear a helmet indoors, Kanye West needs to be monitored constantly lest something go horribly awry.  Last night at the MTV Video Music Awards something did go awry.  Again.  For like the 10^th time.

Any time West gets a microphone in his hand he does something retarded with it, in the classic definition of retarded.  If you disapprove of the word retarded, and you prefer the more politically correct terms like developmentally delayed or anything of that sort, you must realize you are not talking about Kanye West.  Kanye West is retarded.  Even if no one else in the world is.  Kanye West is retarded.  That can’t be stressed enough.

Taylor Swift, one-time American Idol and all around fairly cute girl who sings country-type music won an award last night for Best female Video.  Probably Swift was going to express some gratitude to friends, family and fans for getting her to this point, and maybe mention how she thinks Ian Fortey is the goddamn sexiest internet comedy writer of all time, because it’s true.  But instead of that, Swift, and by extension Ian Fortey, got cock blocked by Kanye West, who got on stage and took the girl’s microphone to assure her and the crowd that her video sucked balls and Beyonce should have won.  Kanye West is retarded.

Sources claim that after West left the stage last night he went outside and shit down the chimney of several orphanages.  Once his bowels had been evacuated, West continued on his way punching several geriatrics in the sex organs before accusing them of racism.  Kanye West is retarded.

Enjoy the video while you can, Viacom keeps pulling them off Youtube.

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