Juggalos Officially Classified As A “Gang” By The FBI

We all know to be aware and on the lookout for various gang members and ruffians when we walk the streets. We know not to mess with Latin Kings, or Bloods, or Crips, or any of the other large, crime-committing factions around the country.  None of us feel like getting stabbed and robbed on a regular basis. But, according to the FBI, there is yet another terrifying group of people out there that we all must keep an eye on, even though we already do: Juggalos.

That’s right, those face paint-wearing fans of the Insane Clown Posse have officially been classified as a “gang” by the federal government.

Of course, not ever juggalo you meet will be of the violent variety. In fact, I’m willing to bet most self-professed Juggalos are good people, even if you don’t agree with their taste in music. Sure, they may be societal outcasts, but not every single person that likes the Insane Clown Posse is going to corner you in a dark alley and attempt a rape. There’s probably that small percentage of Juggalos that commit some minor crimes during an ICP show and they ruin things for everyone. It’s like being a member of a specific race, creed, or nationality, and then seeing one asshole member of your race, creed, or nationality do something stupid and you know, for a fact, that some idiot out there is going to add that stupid act to the ever growing list of reasons he or she hates “those people.” I’m Cuban, so whenever I see people washing up on to a Florida coast on a raft impressively fashioned out of a ’57 Chevy (which I’ve actually seen live, in front of my face, during a beach outing with my family when I was a kid), I lower my head in shame. If they had washed ashore with pots filled with black beans and carrying baseball bats and mitts, waiting to be signed by some lucky MLB team, the level of shame I would have felt would have been felt by millions of people in a 200 mile radius.

So, case in point, the FBI may consider the totality of the Juggalo Nation as a “gang”, but on an individual level, they may be some kind, good-natured folks.

Of course, with that being said, it is fun to imagine all Juggalos as a part of a larger crime syndicate. With all the theatrics and the face paint and eccentricities that come along with being a Juggalo, living in a city with a high Juggalo population would be like living in The Warriors. You might even get to experience what it would be like to live in Gotham City, with roving bands of The Joker’s henchmen roaming around the city. At least then you could feel somewhat safe knowing that at least one billionaire playboy is out there gallivanting in a rubber suit trying to stop them.

See? There are upsides to everything in life.