Jon and Kate Is Now More Wholesome Thanks to Porn

If there’s one thing porn loves to do, it’s film people boning.  But once all the boning’s done, there’s a dude who probably sits in a smoky room drinking Yoo Hoo, scratching under his sock garters, staring at a page through thick, filmy, Coke-bottle glasses mulling over hilarious titles for that porno.  And sure, he’s already given us The Curious Taste of Benjamin’s Bottom, Hairy Twatter and the Chamber of Secretions, Willy Wanker and the Fudge Packing Factory, White Men Can’t Hump and the Gaytrix, but now he’s given us Jon and Kate Fuck 8.

Obviously a parody of the inexplicably popular TLC reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8, the porno takes the high road in entertainment by cutting out all the fake civility between two people who obviously hate each other and only pretend to have a relationship so they can keep getting paid, as well as what probably amounts to child abuse by parading 8 bags of money with legs that they call children around.  Porn would never be so crass.  Instead, the film is about Jon and Kate fucking 8 people, instead of warping them at a key point in their development and abusing them in front of a national audience.

The film’s wholesome message is one of togetherness.  While the real Jon and Kate, while not simultaneously making a mockery of family and the concept of learning that the Learning Channel once probably had in its mission statement, the porn versions go to a marriage counselor and realize that they need to fuck other people.  But in fucking other people they realize they belong together.  Things work like that in porn and it likely ends on a happy note that doesn’t involve years and years of therapy for 8 innocent children.