It’s Jim Donnelly From the Internet!

Look everyone, it’s Jim Donnelly.  From the internet (the New Bedford area branch.  Of the internet).  Here’s here to be Facebook friends with us.  Yay!

Jim Donnelly from the internet has lots to offer us real worlders.  When he’s not striding through cyberspace on a level 60 unicorn mount, he’s giving us computer and Facebook tips.  Facebook tip are great!  What’s Facebook?

Straight from the south side of the internet, Jim Donnelly is also going to bring us local videos.  Oh man, local is super!  What if the neighbor has a video?  OMG, what if the neighbor’s cat has a video?  I can’t wait to floppy drive it to my megapixels!

Jim Donnelly from the internet also has local restaurant info, coupons and discounts.  Hold the phone, Jim Donnelly from the Internet, how can you do all this?  You must be a 5^th degree internetting black belt or something.  Or maybe a voodoo internet priest!

And what’s this?  There’s more?  Jim Donnelly from the internet can provide useful information?  Holy Hannah, we’d been running on the assumption the internet was a vast morass of moral turpitude and hilarious list-based articles.  There’s actually useful information as well?  Jim Donnelly from the internet, can you tell me how to tie a Windsor knot?  Jim Donnelly from the internet, can you tell me the average yearly rainfall in Jakarta?  Sweet Mary Sunshine, this internet of yours is wonderful!

No, Jim Donnelly from the internet, you stop.  You stop, Jim Donnelly from the internet.  I won’t hear this.  I won’t.  I can’t!  I can’t believe that on top of all of this sweet internet ambrosia, there’s room for yet more.  And . . . seriously, Jim Donnelly from the internet?  Are you yanking my chain?  There are amusements?!?  Stars and garters, it never ends!  I’ve been searching for amusements!  I was just telling Mabel, after we finished painting Mr. Holton’s fence and enjoying an Italian ice, that we should find some amusements.  And who comes to answer our prayers?  Jim Donnelly from the Internet!

I have to acknowledge something though, Jim Donnelly from the Internet.  I’m a little ashamed to say it, and I’d hate for you to hate me.  Please don’t hate me, Jim Donnelly from the Internet.  Please.  I couldn’t bear it!  I’d just die, I would!  You see, Jim Donnelly from the Internet, I don’t have….Facebook.

DON’T LEAVE ME!!!

Wait.  What’s this?  You…have a newsletter?  For me, since I don’t have Facebook?  Oh, Jim Donnelly from the Internet, yes.  Yes!  A thousand times yes!