How To Stop Global Warming and Rising Sea Levels: A Response To a Yahoo Answers QuestionBy Luis Prada
Blehhhh =P, that is a marvelous question. Yes, it is true that in the coming years we will all be submerged beneath the seas due to melting polar ice caps, at which point we will all almost instantaneously sprout gills like Kevin Costner in Water World. These gills won’t be behind our ears, though; no, they will be behind our eyes. And we won’t be able to resurface to take in some of that lovely warm sun, as any exposure to air will suffocate us. So, the human race will essentially be turned in to fish-people with fish noses in our retinas. At first it will be weird, and we will attempt to batter and fry one-another in to tempura platters. Eventually we’ll get used to it and cast aside such barbaric tempura practices and instead elect to sauté each other in a light white wine and shallot reduction. Only then will we achieve the level of normalcy and civility we enjoy today in the pre-global warming, human-fish-people apocalypse.
Your question, Blehhhh =P (which I assume is a name that has to be pronounced by following a vomit with a charming smile), is a serious one, and I like that you are taking that initiative. But I have to say, your plan to take water out of the ocean and pour it down your sink is deeply, deeply flawed. For starters, have you ever given some thought to the fact that the water you’re pouring down the sink will eventually make it back to the ocean? It’s true. Here’s a diagram that explains how plumbing works:
As you may have already deduced, that expertly crafted diagram shows a man (you) pouring sea water in to a sink (your sink). The pipes then carry the water approximately 4-inches away to your local ocean. You may also notice some small brown bits in the ocean. These are poops, because I assume you are the guy pooping in your sink and making our once pristine oceans so chunky. Shame on you, sink pooper.
Anyway, the point is, whatever you pour down your sink eventually makes it to the ocean, thus keeping sea levels the same. My plan, on the other hand, is much more logical, and much easier to pull off.
We should all boil away our water supply…in space. Boiling our water in space eliminates the earth’s natural cycle of kidnapping water vapor in one part of the world and dropping it off in another part of the world, away from its home, family, and friends. With my plan we are keeping all of the water together, and then letting the vapor freeze in the dead coldness of space, where it will drift around the galaxy for all of eternity.
And, yeah, eventually all of that frozen water will collect and form in to a massive meteorite that will plummet to earth and wipeout all life. But that’ll happen so far off in to the future that we shouldn’t care. Let our future children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children worry about that.
Maybe by then they’ll have all agreed upon a plan of attack for meteorites, much in the exact opposite way that we today have come up with a plan of attack for global warming.
I hope you found my answer useful!