How to Party with Rep. Nancy Elliott (R-NH)

Republicans get a bad rap these days (you know, from everyone who’s not Republican) because their PR department is kind of run by retards.  Ask Sarah Palin, if you can get her to understand you.    When you have that many ass clowns as talking heads for your cause, you’re bound to come off sounding idiotic.  If John McCain was flying solo last run with no Palin, no FOX, no Glenn Beck, no Bill O’Reilly, no Rush Limbaugh and no rightwing religious intolerant assholes, he probably could have done a far superior job.  John McCain is a Republican who is not, by and large, an asshole or a retard.  He’s a valuable asset.  But he ain’t the only one.

While most pundits continue to drag the GOP into a mire of “holy fuck, you’re dumb”, a few representatives stand proud on a mountain of awesome eating kick-ass cake from a  bowl of pure sunshine.  Such a person is Nancy Elliott.  And fuck me do I wanna party with her.

If you didn’t see the video we posted in our link roundout, go check out how Elliott breaks down the act of gay sex into what amounts to the best description of bum love that any person, living or dead, could ever hope to craft. “We’re talking about taking the penis of one man, and putting it in the rectum of another man, and wiggling it around in excrement.”  Fuck, that’s hot.  Eat it, Shakespeare, let’s see you belt out a sodomy sonnet superior to that.

Naturally the FunnyCrave staff decided that Elliott is the kind of partier we want to get to know, so we invited her out for a night on the town.  Did she accept?  Does the pope make excrement in the woods?  We had a wicked time that didn’t actually end until 8:30 the next morning when Elliott puked in the limo and drove out of our lives.  Here, friends, are the highlights.

• Elliott arrived at 7:00pm to do some pre-drinking, or, as she described it “We’re talking about taking these intoxicating beverages, and imbibing in them at another person’s domicile, for the purposes of achieving a state of inebriation before heading out to a tavern, so that we might conserve our currency.”  Fuck yeah, sister!

• Some of the interns decide tonight would be a fine night to pick up some ladies, but who is to be the wingman?  Elliott steps in.  “We’re talking about two individuals engaging in ritual seduction of a member of the opposing gender, whereby one of the individuals will assume the role of a decoy to distract unsightly encumberances of the comrade variety from interfering with said seduction.”  You know it!  High five!

• Things are grooving at the club and we’re feeling loose, so why not hit the dance floor and engage in that age old ritual that people pretend is dancing but is more akin to fucking with your clothes on.  Or, as Elliott tagged it “We’re talking about taking one man, having him gyrate and redistribute his weight to a steady rhythm, in such a way that his hips and torso are constantly in motion, in such a close proximity to another individual that their pelvic regions will remain in near constant contact for the duration of the composition.”  Right there, when she said that, I totally had a boner.

Thank you, Nancy Elliott, for keeping excrement real for the Republican party.  You rock out, lady!