How to Be Famous the Lady Gaga Way

Check out that video of Lady Gaga at the AMAs, ain’t that something?  Everyone loves Lady Gaga, except the scores of people who hate her.  If you know anything about FunnyCrave, you know we want to see your boobs.  But you may also know we don’t take sides so much as just point out everyone’s horrible (or minor and inconsequential) flaws and mock them.  Why?  Because we can., and because everyone else chooses to either sing praises or take sides.  We’re equal opportunity jackasses here.

In light of that, we should point out that Lady Gaga is not nearly so creative, revolutionary and unique as many of her fans and music critics seem to think.  Not in the slightest.  In fact, much like growing sea monkeys in the back of your toilet tank, you can also grow your own Gaga at home.  It’s not too hard.  Let’s try!

How to Make Yourself a Lady Gaga

A Practical Guide

Step 1:  Go to the library and use one of those computer boxes to look up old footage and videos of Cher, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper and Grace Jones.  Toss in a few Cirque du Soleil performances while you’re at it.  Take many notes on costumes, body movement and speculate on narcotics that may or may not be present.  Doodle a few outfits if you’re feeling artistic.

Step 2:  Get a mirror and stare at it.  Stare long and hard and think of every preposterous thing you have ever heard or seen.  Put the Smurfs on in the background and get blitzed on tequila rose.  Watch Dumb and Dumber or assorted other hilarious comedy films and stay put until you learn to never change your facial expression no matter what is happening around you.  You must control your emotions.  You are now a robot.

Step 3:  Buy a sewing machine and raid an army surplus store, a hardware store, a camping store, a costume shop, a gay man’s wardrobe and maybe a dump.  Choose one item from each pile and sew it together after a night of watching horror movies from the 70s.

Step 3a:  Return to the mirror in your new outfit.  Stay put until you can keep a straight face.

Step 4:  It’s time to write a song.  Write down a list of gibberish words, these will be haphazardly inserted into whatever you come up with.  Now, pick about four sentences worth of real words.  No need for more, the song will just get complicated.  Arrange them with the gibberish to flesh out a good three minutes or so.

Step 5:  Practice acting aloof and mysterious.  Cirque du Soleil and Grace Jones will be of great help here.  Perfect your distant stare and vague disinterest in all things.

Step: 6 $$$