How To Be A Glorious Son of A Bitch While Being Arrested

Some people are just born great.  This is a story of a man that was not. But for one shining moment of clarity, when for just one second the heavy rain clouds of stupid that cluttered John Ford’s brain lifted, he was the smartest man in the world.

Perhaps a little back story is needed. John Ford is a suspected bank robber. While attempting to rob a Cleveland, Ohio bank, Ford felt that the theatrics of charging in while wielding a gun and demanding that nobody move lest their heads be removed from their torsos with a scattering of bullets was a little too much. So Ford decided to go with another classic bank robber move by allegedly passing the teller a note that probably read “Do you want to give me all of your money?” followed by a Yes or No check box.

The reason we say “allegedly” is because, well, you can see why at the 20 second mark of the video. The cops pull Ford of out his car, and then search him as he lays belly down on the hood of the police cruiser. When one of the cops tosses the contents of Ford’s pockets on to the hood without examining the little piece of paper that was probably the holdup note, Ford then shows off his half-goat heritage – in full view of the dashboard camera, no less – by eating the entire piece of paper.

Of course, we’ll never know if the paper that Ford ate was in fact the holdup note. It could have been an embarrassing receipt from Ted’s Dildo Emporium for all we know. But regardless, it still doesn’t change the fact that while John Ford may not be the world’s greatest bank robber, he’s one hungry bastard.

We just want to know what Ford would have done if the cops found a gun on him and for some unknown and completely idiotic reason they placed it on the hood of the car.