“How Do I Get My Sister To Sleep With Me?”By Luis Prada
We here at Funny Crave are only in the business of helping you out. If we can make you laugh while we do it, then we’ve failed. We’re not a comedy site, we’re strictly and solely a website dedicated to advice and helping you solve even your most embarrassing problems.
For instance, we once helped a dude feed his own diarrhea to a parakeet. We do this kind of thing out of the kindness of our hearts. We just love to help animals eat liquefied human waste. But it doesn’t end there. Our ability to dole out advice is rather flexible. One minute, we can telling you how to feed shit to a bird, then the next, we’re telling you how to broche the touchy subject of fucking your sister…which is what we’re going to do today.
At the time of this article’s writing, the number-three search topic on Google Trends is the phrase “how do i get my sister to sleep with me?” A noble gesture indeed. We ran a quick search through the links on trends to see if any good advice on the subject had already been given by someone wiser than us. We found a few good bits of knowledge like…
“Don’t get her pregnant but otherwise go for it if she is into it.”
“Dunno. But I love reading incest stories, it turns me on so much.”
That last one wasn’t even advice, so that gives you an idea of how useful (or useless) the internet must be for a young strapping male that’s just trying to get all up in some sibling snatch.
But never fear, prospective sister fuckers of the world! Funny Crave is here to help. Just follow this handy-dandy guide and you’ll soon be committing crimes of a disturbing and sickening nature like a pro!
Step 1: Woo
You and your sister probably grew up together. You’ve probably bathed together as kids, and you’ve probably stumbled across a few online videos of her banging her junkie ex-boyfriend; and the same probably goes for her watching you bang that fatty that you regret banging. So there are probably very few surprises in the way of nudity. You’ve known each other so long that nakedness is pretty much a “been there, done that” kind of thing. So to pique her arousal, you’re going to have to woo her heart and her mind.
Start off simple: nostalgia is always a nice starter. Reminisce with her about that time that you both snuck away from the crowd during that family reunion when you were eight and she was seven. Tell her that you thought she looked very pretty that day. If you’re both mentally disturbed enough, this little innocent gesture will lubricate the sexual gears…by that I mean, it will make her vagina wet with excitement. (Sometimes I feel my sexual innuendos are too smart and too masked in metaphor for people to make sense of; hence, my explanation).
Step 2: Alcohol
Unless you and your sister are borderline psychotics (which we’re not ruling out, given the nature of the subject we’re dealing with), there’s a good chance that having sex with each other will take a little more than just some simple flirting. So as you both kick back, getting uncomfortably close to each other as you share stories from your youth, we recommend enjoying the moment over a nice jug of something so potent and unstable that the label clearly warns not to expose the liquid to direct sunlight.
As you share this drink, laughing and cavorting like the children you once were, you should constantly remind you sister that she is the standard to which you judge all other women. From conversational skills, to intelligence, to sense of humor, to breast size and even vaginal depth – you have to tell her that she is you’re idea of the perfect girl…even if she isn’t and you just want to bang your sister because you’re gross like that.
By this point your sister will be so flattered and feel so loved, and she’ll be so ripped out of her fucking mind, that the only way to fuck this up now will be to say all of the lovely things you just said about her again, but about your mother. That would be gross, and the sister you’re about to fuck will know this.
Step 3: Sex
This is pretty straight forward, really. Just have sex with your sister as if she were any other girl or relative. Oh, and try not to feel freaked out when/if she starts yelling “Give it to me, Daddy!” or “Harder, Daddy! Harder!” It doesn’t mean that she’s a slut that’s just giving her pussy to the closest swinging dick that happens to in her family tree. It just means she is pleased with your performance. It also probably means that she fucked your dad, which shouldn’t be surprising at this point. Like, at all.
If you made it this far and have checked off all of the steps and added a little smiley face next to them to signify a passing with flying colors, then congrats! You just fucked you sister! The ensuing incest court case should be a doozy, and your lovechild will be made of nothing but arms with teeth for nails.