How Big is a Weatherman? [video]

Channel 7 in Boston just entered the Big Leagues of news broadcasting.  Did they cover a major political scandal?  No.  Did they break open a crime syndicate?  Nope.  Did they uncover Capone’s secret vault whilst wearing fashionable mustaches?  Hell no.  This honor is bestowed upon them thanks entirely to their weatherman, Pete Bouchard.  Pete Bouchard and his massive shlong.

As you can see in the video, Pete wants you to know that Princeton got 9 inches of snow.  Say Pete, how big is 9 inches?  Why, it’s almost as big as Pete himself (queue shifty eyes).

On Buzzfeed, this video comes with the following description – “Boston’s Channel 7 chief meteorologist Pete Bouchard raised some eyebrows the other evening when he cracked what came across as an off-color joke.”

What came across as an off color joke?  Came across?  Unless Pete is a magical pixie who actually is only 10 inches high and just looks like a regular man thanks to the magic of television, this was absolutely the most unexpected and pristine cock joke the weather has ever seen.  There can be no doubt.  How can we so positive (aside from what we just said and, you know, the obvious)?  Because FunnyCrave staffers got their hands on the original teleprompter scripts for that broadcast.  Take a look:

Pete: The biggest amount I could find…until I looked in my pants.

Pete: The biggest amount I could find…not including my massive johnson

Pete: The biggest amount I could find…and if I was laying down in it I’d look like a sundial

Pete: The biggest amount I could find…looks like me if I fold it in half

Pete: The biggest amount I could find…not including my massive salami

Pete: The biggest amount I could find…almost as big as me, and by me I of course mean my penis, which I assure you is bigger than 9 inches.  9 and ½, easy.

Pete: The biggest amount I could find…and I used my dick to measure a fuckton of snow, yo

Pete: The biggest amount I could find…except for that train I ran at your mom’s house

Pete: The biggest amount I could find…that wasn’t lugging around deez nuts!

Pete: The biggest amount I could find…so big it actually covered the head of my wang, which as you know I have to keep tucked into my socks when I walk.