HOLY SHIT! Hockey Playing Polar Bear Destroys Universe!…AGAIN!! [Video]

Do you remember that video of the CG polar bear fucking up everything in sight just to introduce a college hockey team? Of course you do! Every frame of it was burned on to your retinas and you’ve been watching it every second of every day since you first saw it. It was too powerful. Mortals weren’t meant to view such glory.

Well, guess what, bitches? He’s back!! Sorry if we’re exuding too much testosterone and using too many curse words and a bunch of exclamation points. But you try watching the video above and then try to not feel like you could genetically engineer a dragon, then punch it out of existence…while on Mars…and all in a single afternoon. See? You can’t do it. The polar bear.Too. Powerful.

This time around the space polar bear isn’t just fucking up major cities. No. He’s got bigger plans. You see, since we last saw space polar bear, he has become trapped under some ice. Then, one day, a freighter ship floats on top of him. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE! Why? Well, for starters, the ship was floating near him. Mistake number one. Number two, the freighter should have heard that that Allen Parson’s Project song was playing. If you hear that song, you turn the fuck around and run. FUCKING RUN. Space polar bear is near.

Then, what does space polar bear do? He conjures a fucking hockey stick out of electricity. Electricity that came out of his own hands!! Fuck. We’re doomed.

He uses his energy stick to fuck up the ship in all ways awesome. That’s how space polar bear rolls.

After that, space polar bear is flying in a jet with two other polar bears that may or may not also be “space.”  If you just asked, “But why?” you should be dead. In fact, we just E-mailed your name to the space polar bear. He’s going to kill you. You won’t be able to stop it. There’s a very good chance that you can’t conjure an electric hockey stick out of thin air. That’s it, man. You’re practically dead right now. You don’t even know.

But, wait…what’s this? WHAT’S THIS?!! It just hit us! Space polar bear has friends that are also giant polar bears?! And they can fly jets?!! We’re so fucking fucked. So what do 3 giant space polar bears in jets do with their free time. Why, they blow the shit out of colleges, that’s what!

University of Miami (Ohio)? BOOM!! DEAD!!

Ohio State University? KA-PLOWWWWW! GONE!

Michigan State University? SHA-BAMZZZ!! FUCKING DEAD!

Then, space polar bear, still in his jet, drops a bomb in to a volcano. Oh my god! He destroyed the earth!! But where will he play hockey?! What are we doing? We’re questioning space polar bear. He’s always like 1,000 steps ahead of humans. When we were just going through the industrial revolution, he was already carbon neutral and he had a solar panel for a dick.

On top of that, his squad mates are no longer with him as he flies off in to space. He probably left them to die on the exploding earth. What a cold son of a bitch motherfucker. We wish he was our father.

Right after he kills all human life, space polar bear rides his jet in to a wormhole. Halfway through, he realizes that he’s the goddamn space polar bear! Space is his home. This is doubly so for wormholes, apparently. So he explodes the jet and flies through the wormhole with no protective gear, other than the thick layer of awesome that covers him.

On the other side of the wormhole is the last remnant of earth – a hockey rink. He crashes though the roof, shrinks down, and then shows us that he’s a better hockey player than he is a ravager of worlds. And we all know how good he is at ravaging worlds. Like, really good.

Then, he slap shoots a puck in to the net and everything goes fiery and KAAAAA-BLOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!

Yeah, we know. Don’t say it. Just let Youtube user MitchTEHguy explain it as he did so well in the comments section of the video…

“I… finally know how to live.”