Holiday Inn Wants To Warm Your Bed With Body Heat, Piss
By Luis Prada
In this tough global economy businesses all over the world are trying to find new and exciting ways to reel in customers. Some business lower rates, others offer new services, and some have strangers sit in your bed and try to make awkward conversation with you.
At the end of the month, two Holiday Inn locations in London and Manchester will be offering designated bed warmers to all customers before they head off to sleep. These bed warmers aren’t electric blankets are just a microwaved set of bed linens, they’re real humans wearing robes that come up to your room and lie in your bed for five minutes as you just kind of stand around and watch them do it.
The idea is based off of some scientific evidence that shows that a cold bed actually inhibits sleep, whereas a warm bed gently lulls you to sleep with its kind embrace. So, to get this warm embrace of bedding, the Holiday Inn is sending people to your room to fart in your bed. There’s no question that some of these people will be farting in your bed. While you’re off in the bathroom brushing your teeth and dropping off a last second duce, these people will be rubbing their asses on your pillows and trying to make some mindless chit chat.
One question we have about this whole experience is, how much do you tip someone for doing something a pile of laundry could do? One-Dollar? A fiver? Paying anybody above $2.50 for what is, essentially, just sitting down is ludicrous at best, and deranged at worst. If they want to earn that extra tip, they should warm your toilet seat before you take a dump. It can get a little chilly in those Holiday Inns and ass cheeks feel the repercussions of that cold better than any other part of the body.
Personally, we’d prefer they use their hands to warm the toilet seats. We have trouble getting to bed at night unless we are filled with an abundance of superiority that stemmed from demeaning another human.
