Funny Crave’s Wikipedia Page (from the year 2075)

Funny Crave (LATIN, Fün-ya, meaning, humor or a lack thereof; SANSKRIT, ÇrâvÆ, meaning, grossly inaccurate use of special characters) is an American humor website. Founded in 2009, Funny Crave is the brainchild of three men with a bizarre preoccupation for the obscene, and a with a knack for making fun of it.

What began as a site centered on comedy, with ancillary content that was derived from “lad mags” such as Maxim and Maxim: Boobs, Bros & Beer Edition, later flourished as the internet’s top resource for both those that are fans of humor and for those that think they’re fans of humor, but only laugh at Jeff Dunham.

In the early 2020s, the site reshaped itself and became an outlet for social reform and advocacy, with such articles as “Fatties: Do We Need Them?”, “God is such a Douche” and “The Little Girl From Little Miss Sunshine is 18!!” The latter of which was called by Time Magazine, “One of the single most important pieces of excrement ever published on the digital landfill that is the internet…truly awe-inspiring.”

History

Blame Them

In mid-to-late 2007, Adam Brown, Ian Fortey and Luis Prada all signed up to write for the illustrious Cracked.com (now known as GloboCracked Inc.), a humor website specializing in humorous list articles, original comedic videos, and, later, suppositories with humors list articles printed on the side.

At the same time, Adam Brown was operating a smaller humor site known as Scenic Anemia, a name (Adam contends) “that once actually had a meaning, but I’ll be fucked if I can remember it.”    Adam recruited Ian Fortey to Scenic Anemia under the guise of a Vietnamese sex worker that would make pancakes the next morning if Ian wrote a funny article about his fumbling sexual experience from the night before. Ian wrote the articles constantly, but eventually sued Adam for breach of contract and for “not delivering on the pancakes thing, but thanks for the whore, bro”; to which Adam responded (in his scathing 2048 tell-all book, “My Life is One Big Dick…Joke”), “I never sent you a whore, dude. WHO WERE YOU FUCKING?”

A short time later, Adam recruited future 6-time Razzie winner for Worst Screenplay, Luis Prada. Though many the details of Luis Prada’s Scenic Anemia contract have not been released, even to this day, rumors circulated that some of Luis’ demands included but were not limited to:

• Monkeys (the meaning of which has not been specified)
• A case of coffee filters with 3-inch holes cut out of the center
• Roast beef in a hockey helmet
• A Metallica album that did not, and has never, existed
• 7 articles written by Adam that were to be published under Luis’ name
• And, finally, something called “Testicular Goblins”

With this core in place, the trio began to crank out humorous articles on various subjects at the feverish pace of about 1 article a month, between the three of them. It was this intensity that propelled Scenic Anemia up in global website rankings – from 2,857,199 to 2,856,458, in a mere seven months.

Artist Rendering of VanderBeau

During his life as a free lance writer, Adam had caught the attention of a wealthy benefactor – Jacques de VanderBeau. VanderBeau, a multi-millionaire (who made his millions selling horse cloning machines to glue factories) recruited Adam to build a comedy website from the ground up. Adam, always the one to suggest something that he knows no one will want to do, asked if he could run the site and bring in his own team of comedy writers. In response, VanderBeau gargled some caviar and fired some out of his nose. With this, Funny Crave was on its way to becoming a reality.

After some dry runs and a few test articles, FunnyCrave.com officially went live for the public on August 3^rd, 2009. In an exclusive interview with the New York Times on the subject of the Funny Crave launch, the internet was quoted as saying, “Who? Oh. Hadn’t noticed.”

Branching Out

By 2028, Funny Crave had reached its highest site ranking yet. It was the 7^th most visited site on earth, only surpassed by 5 porn sites and Google (before Google became a search engine solely dedicated to videos of women sexually gratifying themselves with organic produce). By this point, the trio that had created the internet empire of Funny Crave felt it was time to leave the internet behind and try their hands at some new business ventures.

Adam Brown

Adam started a band by the name of “Picturesque Leukemia” – a name (Adam contends) “that once actually had a meaning, but I’ll be fucked if I can remember it.” The band was a fusion of Horrorcore hip-hop and 80s New Wave pop. Of the band’s sound, Adam said “it’s like a series of sounds, followed by something that sounds like a sound but isn’t actually a soun—fuck, is it drunk in here or is it just me?”

The band went on to achieve a moderate level of success, particularly with their Horrorcore/New Wave cover of the Swedish metal band Pain’s cover of the Kansas cover of the Tony Bennett cover of Ray Charles cover of The Beatles’ “Eleanor Rigby.” The song, and its legacy, was famously summed up by Amazon.com user MetorFace387, as his review of the single simply read “No.”

Luis Prada

Shortly after he left Funny Crave, Luis Prada opened a restaurant in the heart of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. He chose Jackson Hole because the name sounded funny. The restaurant specialized in carnival foods and was called “Big Tent Eats.” After the restaurant failed, Luis suffered a series of crushing blows, beginning with the re-opening of Big Tent

Typical Jack Hole Resident

Eats, and the near immediate closing of it. This cycle repeated 9 times, and Luis (proudly) never once changed his business model, menu, or location. He attributed Big Tent Eats’ repeated failures on “Jackson Hole being filled to the brim with stupid sister-fucking Cocktards. LOL!!” (Note: in the audio interview this quote was sourced from, Luis actually spoke the acronym “LOL” out loud).

His next, and perhaps biggest, setback came just in the midst of the 2034 Academy Awards ceremony when Luis, a nominee for Best Screenplay for his film Crippled Sexually Molested Retarded Albino In A Wheel Chair That OverComes Adversity, lost to the Michael Bay scripted war epic Explosions of the Heart (the tale of two star-crossed explosions trying to find love and happiness in the middle of a giant explosion during the Holocaust).

Luis felt robbed, taking to Facebook to announce his displeasure:

“My crippled retard movie was waaaay better than Bay’s shit. Although, while I did feel that Orlando Jones worked his ass off as the albino retard in my movie, Tom Hanks deserved to win best actor for his portrayal of a sexually confused explosion in bay’s movie.”

Ian Fortey

Ian Fortey murdered a man because he knew it would make for “an awesome Wikipedia entry.” During the ensuing court case, the judge broke protocol and asked Ian what he was thinking when he decided to kill a man for the sake of a

Almost as rad as this kid

Wikipedia entry. Ian responded by kicking his feet on to the top of the witness stand, leaning back and saying, in a sassy voice, “Get that robot out of my ass?” This, of course, was Ian’s catchphrase from his short-lived 2029 CBS gender-bending sitcom Sausage Fest. The judge ended the court case right then and there and cleared Ian of all charges. All, with the exception of one: “Being totally rad.”

Ian, a Canadian that became a citizen of the United States in 2018, later found himself embroiled in controversy after he was caught burning an American flag. Ian claimed the flag had touched the ground and he was simply honoring the disrespected American flag by burning it. The amateur footage of Ian burning the flag (a worldwide Youtube sensation) was remixed countless times. One remix in particular was especially noteworthy, as it ended with Ian waving his arms at the camera and shouting “No! It’s not what you think! Nah…Nooo!” before the picture dramatically cuts to black, followed by the theme song from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Controversy

Adam, in an attempt to re-brand Funny Crave, changed the name to “Panoramic AIDS” — a name (Adam contends) “that actually has a meaning. It means, an unobstructed or complete view of an area in every direction; in this case, the area around the AIDS virus. It just let’s people know they’re in for some big laughs.”

In response to the public outcry, Adam attempted to clean up his image by joining an AIDS advocacy group to support those with the disease — not knowing that the group was actually in support of the virus and not against it.

Funny Crave, Today

Funny Crave has taken on many forms throughout the years. What was once a comedy site, evolved in to a comedy site with actual comedy on it. It has launched the careers of many of Hollywood’s most prominent comedic writers and actors, most of whom have already faded in to obscurity and really don’t deserve a mention on this page (See: List of Dead or Incarcerated Funny Crave Alumni).

Adam and Ian have taken their original positions within the company, while Luis has declared himself the Supreme Allied Commander of Funny Crave. This title means nothing and he continues to write dick-related humor for the site.

FunnyCrave.com is still ranked in the top 10 of the most visited sites on earth, but has fallen back to number 9 — what with the popularity of the porn sites DickTrumpet.org and AllHolesFilledWithFeet.com.