Fun Questions Megan Fox Asked Me (Her Boyfriend)

The following list of questions came from a website that dares have the subheading “intelligent life on the web.”  We can only assume they’re in search of it, like an internet SETI, desperately hoping someone, somewhere, isn’t an idiot.

Anyway, here’s a list of fun questions to ask your boyfriend.  I got Megan Fox to ask them to me, because it was her day off over in make believe land and it seemed like a good idea.  Megan?  Ask away.

1) If you were a geometric shape what would you like to be?

Rhombus
2) Would you like to have more relationships in the same time?

In the same time, no.  In Detroit, yes.
3) If you were a bird or an animal what would you like to be?

Rhombus.
4) Do you like love games like master – slave, doctor – patient, teacher – student?

Does nun-Gary Busey count?
5) Which is the song you can associate with my image?

Theme song from Mission: Impossible
6) We are at a party and you see a nice girl but you don’t have the opportunity to talk to her. What do you do to make her aware that you like her, without hurting me?

Oral.
7) You meet by chance a girl friend of mine at the disco. She is very happy and she is flirting with you. What are you doing?

Trying to fix the Way-Back Machine so I can get out of this disco.
8) I discovered you telling a lie to me. How do you react?

Triumphant laughter
9) We are together at night, in the mountains, in a remote forest house. Will you wear pajamas?

Before or after we fuck?
10) Would you like to perform a strip-tease number for me?

No.
11) You are alone in my house. What will you do?

Masturbate on the curtains.
12) What would you cook for me?

Sandwiches.  Sexy sandwiches.
13) Would you like to tattoo my skin for you?

Wait…do you want me to tattoo you?  I don’t think that’s a good idea.  It’d be a tattoo of Hello Kitty fucking a monster truck, though.  Awesome.
14) Would you like me to wear all the time mini skirt or to have a generous neck opening?

I thought English was your first language.
15) What would you like to change about myself?

This grammar issue you’re having lately
16) When will you declare your eternal love for me?

Later.
17) What should I have to love me forever?

Um.  Luis?
18) Do you have the patience to come with me when I’m buying a dress?

I dunno, how much time is it going to kill?
19) Can you make friends easily?

Out of meat, yes?  Out of clay, no.
20) How can you describe yourself in a sentence?

I don’t know, how can someone do that?  Seems very limiting.
21) Would you like to spend a night with me in the forest?

You like the woods, I’ve noticed.  I guess.  Are there wolves and bears?  Cuz fuck that.
22) What would you do if a bear came up to you and we were together in the forest?

Dammit, I knew there were bears!  Clarify – are we boinking?  Are you menstruating and that’s why the bear approached?  Or do we have like a party pizza too or something?  Honestly, I don’t think the bear is here for me, whatever the case, I’m just going to back away slowly.
23) How can you imagine that forest with bears and a girl who needs your help?

What the fuck, lady?  I don’t think I even get this question.  I see how adapting to the dialog in Transformers was so easy for you.
24) What flowers would you like to offer me?

Chlamydia
25) If you saw a field full of flowers would you pick a lot of them for me?

What’s a lot?  A field has to have thousands.  Are you telling me to pick them?
26) What would you do if we are on the beach and a lot of other girls are there top less and they are friendly with you?

High five everyone I met for at least a week.
27) What kind of horses would you like riding?

The ones with backs.
28) Which is your favorite childhood hero?

Michael Bay.
29) Do you like to describe what you see in the clouds?

Yeah, it’s right up there with wishing on stars and ensuring the pH balance of my vagina is optimal.
30) Would you like to write an adventure novel about us?

Would I!
31) Do you tell your friends what we are doing together?

I text them while we’re doing it.
32) Would you like to build a sand castle with me on the beach?

You seem rather juvenile.  And bear obsessed.
33) Would you like to have a bath with me with pink and yellow rose petals?

No red?  Well fuck that, then.
34) Would you like to have a glass of champagne with me?

What’s that?  Mug of Thunderbird?  Coming up.
35) Would you like to make love to me on the carpet, in front of a fireplace?

You know how I feel about carpeting.  We’ve talked about this a thousand times.
36) Would you like to be able to repair my computer?

We just went from fucking to tech support?
37) Can you tell me in a few seconds what is a brick useful for?

Laying.
38) Would you like to be together characters in a SF movie?

Like Shia LaBoeuf and you in Transformers?  No.  No, I wouldn’t enjoy that.
39) Would you like to spend our honeymoon on a remote island?

Shit, you ask a lot of questions.

40) Can you find easily 10 words rhyming with pencil?

Is this funny, at this point?  40 questions and you want me to rhyme pencil?
41) Are you able to explain what have I dreamt last night?

Fuck…
42) Do you consider yourself a happy person because you’ve met me?

Happy, bonerized, whatever.
43) Do you like answering questions to kids?

Is this about my trial?  I can’t talk about that.
44) Would you like to imagine that I am a black panther and you are a poor hunter?

If this ends in role play with the hunter fucking the panther, I’m game.  It’s weird, but I’m game.
45) Would you like to give me my breakfast in bed?

What’s that?  Mug of Thunderbird?  Coming up.
46) Can you imagine making love to me and eating strawberries and grapes?

Like…out of you?
47) Will you feed me with them?

Oh, I get it.  Sorry.  Sure.
48) What would you do if you were Robinson Crusoe?

Someone should really chronicle your non sequitors.
49) What kind of music would you like to listen to with me?

Raggaeton
50) Do you think that we have met before, in another life?

Oh, man.  Look at that time.  You finish those strawberries and Thunderbird and for real, I’ll be back asap.