Nine Pathetic Touchdown Celebration VideosBy Adam Tod Brown
We’ve never scored a touchdown. Not a single one. So we can’t imagine the sense of euphoria that must come over a person when they do. That’s why we have such a problem with the recent crackdowns on end zone celebrations. If a man needs to dance, you let him dance.
With that said, there is a plus side to the league’s stricter celebration policy. Sometimes, celebrations go horribly awry. When that happens, someone is usually on hand with a video camera to make sure nobody ever forgets about it. If the players can’t celebrate, they can’t make asses of themselves while celebrating. Kind of like these idiots did…
This gem would have made it higher on this list if only the ref had spotted what happened. On a 96-yard touchdown play, a Marshall receiver (a team you might remember from that shitty Disney movie) starts celebrating a solid three yards before actually crossing the goal line. In the process, he just lets go of the ball. He doesn’t drop it, it doesn’t slip out of his hands, he just straight drops it. Brilliant.
8. Bill Gramatica Destroys His Knee
Yes, we know, this isn’t technically a “touchdown” celebration, but it is one of the most hilarious injuries in the history of sports, so we’d be slipping if we didn’t include it.
7. The Pile Up
In general, showing up late to a party is bad manners. This kid should have learned that ahead of time instead of learning it the hard way like he did in this video. If you wait too long to leap onto that party pile, there’s a good chance that pile won’t still be there when you hit the cold, unforgiving ground underneath.
6. Crotch Shot!
Just watching this clip at regular speed is funny enough. This CFL quarterback (Canadian Football League, which explains the gigantic end zone) gets so discombobulated while trying to celebrate his score that he ends up bowling into an opponent and being flagged for an excessive celebration penalty.
But it’s not until the slow motion replay that we see the real failure here. We won’t spoil it for you, but it’s pretty damn great.
5. White Men Can’t Jump
It’s a phenomenon that has its own film named after it. White men, truly, cannot jump. Baltimore Ravens lineman Joe Reitz is living, breathing proof of that in this video.
4. The Crotch Bump
Look, the flying chest bump celebration already resides on the furthest, murkiest outer reaches of masculinity. Sure, it’s acrobatic and looks like a whole lot of fun, but at the same time, you’re also bumping chests with another dude. And God forbid something go wrong and you end up doing what the two winners in this video accomplish.
3. Premature Jubilation
The Saints have had plenty to celebrate in recent years, save for the horrific and tragic events that unfolded in their stadium during Hurricane Katrina, of course. But this particular celebration is pushing it just a bit. There are some things you just aren’t supposed to be happy about, missing a field goal is one of them.
2. DeSean Jackson – The Early Years
Remember way back at the beginning of this article when we mentioned that the guy who let go of the ball before crossing the goal line would have been higher on the list if someone would have actually seen him do it?
Well, ladies and gentlemen, meet Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson, seen here fucking up catastrophically in a high school game.
1. DeSean Jackson – All Growed Up
Some people never learn.