Flashing Boobs in Traffic is as Dangerous as it Sounds

Sometime last week in New Zealand, which was probably today in real world time, an 18 year old girl thought it would be a cool idea to stand on a traffic island in the middle of the street and flash her goodies to people driving by.  We polled everyone in the office and with the exception of Gay Steve in the mailroom, everyone agrees that yes, that is a cool idea.  Why is she in New Zealand?

However, despite the knowledge that this is a cool idea, it’s also still ill-advised.  See, as the kiwis driving by were enjoying their eyeful of supple bosom, one dude just fell into a titty-trance (it’s a recognized medical condition and can take up to 10 minutes to subside) and lost control of his car.  And what’s the most hilarious thing a dude in a titty-trance could hit with his car?  The titties.  He plowed right into that girl.

She didn’t die or anything, so we’re not being heartless making fun of her (we’d still make fun if she died) but she did get sent to the hospital after flying over the hood and smashing into the windshield of the car.  Naturally, when she was released from the hospital, she was charged with disorderly behavior and fined $198 because you can’t just whip out your guns in traffic and not face any consequences.  Honestly, what the hell?

Still, it’s interesting to note that you get fined $198 for showing the hoots in public and causing a car wreck.  So we wanted to find out what various other public indiscretions might set you back.  Naturally, we picked our most spry intern and let them loose in traffic.  Several arrests and interns later, here’s what we learned;

• urinating off an overpass whenever a convertible drives by – $500 fine
• masturbating on the subway – $1,250 fine
• cleaning your ass with your bare hand at a bus stop – $200 fine (value!)
• defecating over the curb at a cross walk in a crowd of pedestrians – $1,000 fine plus many unfriendly insults and one punch in the face
• shaving balls onto a fire hydrant – $125 fine (value!)
• attempting to induce lactation in an intersection – $2,000 fine
• putting your penis in a basket and pretending to charm it like a snake charmer – $500 fine mitigated by the $6 given by passers-by
• forcing a ping pong ball out of your ass at a hot dog cart – curiously, not a criminal offense