Falcon Henne Interview: A FunnyCrave Exclusive

Famed son-of-full-on-weirdos Falcon Henne made headlines yesterday when his family reported that he may have hopped into a perfectly normal home built weather balloon and blasted off into the sky.  After an intensive search, it turned out that young Falcon was just hiding in the garage or something.  And that it was probably all just an elaborate hoax.  Scandalous!  Being the upstanding journalistic establishment that we are, FunnyCrave immediately dispatched its team of investigative reporters to get the scoop on this intriguing story.  In the process, we managed to score an exclusive one-on-one interview with the young Falconer.

FunnyCrave: What the fuck, kid?

Falcon: Mmm, dad said we did it for the show.

FunnyCrave: What show?

Falcon: Dad said “get in this box” and, mmm, I hid in the box.

FunnyCrave: Why?

Falcon: For the show.

FunnyCrave: What show?!?!?!

Falcon: The tv show.

FunnyCrave: This is ass.  I have no idea what show you’re talking about.

Falcon: The one where mom has a new daddy.  He knows what she likes.  In bed.  She says dad only loves storms.

FunnyCrave: You mean Wife Swap?

Falcon: If dad spent less time chasing storms and more time chasing mom’s snatch I wouldn’t have to be in that box.

FunnyCrave: Did your mom say that?

Falcon: Storms are the only pussy I’ll ever need.

FunnyCrave: Whoa!  Did dad say that?

Falcon: I feel as if we are getting off an Earthly course here.  I flew today.

FunnyCrave: Aww.  Hey, buddy, I think dad is telling you fibs.  You were just in a box.  You weren’t actually flying.

Falcon: The probes only hurt for a second.  But it’s a good hurt.  An important hurt.

FunnyCrave: Come again?

Falcon: Gmorlak said they had to find out stuff.  It was for the best.

FunnyCrave: Who in the hell is Gmorlak?

Falcon: GUH-MORE-LOCK.  NOT GUH-MORE-LACK.  STUPID HUMAN!

FunnyCrave: Yeah.  Your voice really changed just now.  Am I talking to Gmorlak?

Falcon: Don’t be irrational.  Toys I like.  My name is Falcon.  My name is derived from an animal species found primarily on the planet Earth and in certain sectors of Jupiter’s eighth quadrant.  A fact you are most certainly already cognizant of.  Do you enjoy Flo-Rida in the same manner in which I do?

FunnyCrave: What the hell is happening here?

Falcon: I flew in a balloon today.  It was majestic and informative as it pertains to my studies of the human race and I was hiding in a box the whole time.

FunnyCrave: Why are you holding that glowing wand?  Is that your toy light saber, little buddy?

Falcon: There are buildings on Mars.  Dad said so.  I can take you there.  You can interview Falcon there.

FunnyCrave: So I’m not talking to Falcon now?

Falcon: Of course you are.

(an intensely bright light flashes)

FunnyCrave: Hey, Falcon!

Falcon: Hello.  I was in a box.

FunnyCrave: Yes.  FunnyCrave has confirmed you were definitely in a box and definitely not abducted by aliens.

Falcon: Would you like to discuss the impact this ordeal had on my family?

FunnyCrave: Yes, apparently I would.  How did this ordeal, you hiding in a box and totally not being abducted by aliens, affect your family?

Falcon: I have obtained many useful samples for my research.  Who is this Lady GaGa that you like so much?

FunnyCrave: I don’t…I mean, I’ve never really…how did you know about that?

Falcon: I learned much while I was, um, in my box.  The box.  The whole time.  Never once being probed by aliens.

FunnyCrave: Will you put that big glowing stick away?

Falcon: Will you bend over?

FunnyCrave: I’m afraid I will.

FunnyCrave is happy to report that Falcon Henne was safe and hiding in a box for the entirety of this harrowing ordeal.  We have no reason to believe at this time that young Falcon was abducted by aliens.  Those aliens were not conducting some sort of elaborate experiment to determine if earthlings are daft enough to fall for an elaborate ruse such as the one that they fell for.  That didn’t happen.  No aliens.  And no probes.  Not in us, anyway.  Hail Gmorlak.