Ed Stafford Walks Amazon. You Walk to Fridge, Then Couch.

We want you to think about something the next time you’re chopping down some trees, or punching a man so hard that he soils himself, or wrestling a flaming tiger, or having sex with a bounty of woman: you’ll never be as manly or badass as Ed Stafford.

Man has conquered the highest peaks of the earth, as well as its lowest valleys. We’ve trekked across its hottest plains, and its coldest regions. We landed on the fucking moon and played golf on that bitch to prove that we could conquer any land the universe can throw at us, and then play a shitty rich man’s sport on it. But never once has a man walked the entire length of the Amazon rain forest, let alone by himself. That’s why Ed is better than probably 90% of every human that has ever lived.

And we’re not honoring him with the distinction of “Badassiest Man Ever” just for thinking about walking the entire Amazon. We’re bestowing him that distinction because he’s already been doing it for the past 600+ days.

Ed Stafford is a 33-year-old former British Army Captain and he started to walk the Amazon because, well, it’s there. The problem with that notion is that it’s the Amazon, one of the few ecosystems on earth that seems like it’s actually trying to kill you.

With all the noise of the jungle, the screaming monkeys, the crickets, the sounds of various animals that would love to remove your head from your torso, Ed has to take sleeping pills just to get a good night’s rest. When he wakes up at the crack of dawn, he just starts walking. The dangers he faces are well beyond the whole Man v. Nature type of storyline. Try walking in to a village of shotgun toting villagers that think you’re there to steal the eyeballs of their children. Indiana Jones would piss himself mere moments after he shit himself.

Also, Ed is the spitting image of John Locke from LOST. Coincidence? That’s a stupid question. Have you see LOST? Nothing is a coincidence.