Duggar Family Expecting 20th Child! So Let’s Get To Know The Previous 19 Duggars With Some Duggar Fun Facts!
By Luis Prada
This week the Duggar family announced that they will be adding a 20th child to their ever-growing brood of future welfare recipients. To celebrate, we have compiled a master list of each Duggar child that has been born thus far, along with a small, interesting factoid about that Duggar that showcases the unique qualities they bring to the Duggar family dynamic.
This list is in chronological order, starting with the oldest Duggars first, and the youngest at the tail-end of the list.
1) Joshua “Josh” James – The original; every Duggar after him was made from his original printing, thus each Duggar after Josh is slightly degraded, like a bootleg VHS tape.
2) Jana Marie – AKA, the Tito of the Duggar clan.
3) John-David – Created a splinter cell of Duggars in an attempt to over-throw the other Duggars.
4) Jill Michelle – The creator of a primitive Duggar language that involves many wild hand gestures and the constant repetition of the word Duggar, which changes meanings depending on the context. The language, called Duggarish, will be the native tongue of Duggtopia, the egalitarian society the Duggar parents are attempting to self-pollenate with their own seed.
5) Jessa Lauren – Smell like a foot; looks like two foots.
6) Jinger Nicole – After the birth of the 20th Duggar, Jinger’s Duggar family portrait will be complete, as all of her 10 fingers and 10 toes will each feature a different hyper-realistic tattoo of one of her siblings. If a 21st Duggar is born, she will un-invert her bellybutton. She plans to tour nursing homes nationwide with her acclaimed finger puppet drama based on her family life, titled “Don’t Jizz In My Snatch, And Other Lies My Father Told”.
7) Joseph Garrett – Likes Duggars 9, 17, 5, 12, 1, and 8 the most, so he plays those numbers in the Power Ball every week.
8) Josiah Matthew – The 18 other Duggars claim Josiah is simply a myth perpetuated by backwoods rednecks and crazy cryptozoologists looking for attention.
9) Joy-Anna – All information regarding the existence of Joy-Anna has been classified by the United States government. Although, there have been reports of a gun-toting creature patrolling the swears of Chicago that answers to the name Joy-Anna.
10) Jedidiah Robert – The only Duggar that was a mistake; thus her nickname “C-C-C-Condom Breaker!”
11) Jeremiah Robert – Has two first names because he consumed his twin in the womb in an attempt to end the madness. He pussed out when it came to eating himself.
12) Jason Michael – Once suggested his parents stop having children. He has never been seen or heard from since.
13) James Andrew - Collects the teeth and hair of other Duggars, hoping to one day stich it all together during a lightning storm to create Der Franken-Duggar, a Duggar abomination that will terrorize nearby non-Duggar settlements.
14) Justin Samuel – Slipped out of that vagina like a bowling ball out of that thing where the bowling balls come out of. Does anybody know what the hell that thing’s called? Well, whatever. This dude shot out of that shit as smooth as that shit.
15) Jackson Levi – The head of the Duggar Institute, a shadowy, clandestine organization rumored to be the source of the Duggar cloning facility and the testing grounds for any and all new models of Duggars. Each Duggar is rigorously crash tested and has their on-camera charisma honed to a fine point while at the Duggar Institute. Failed Duggar clones are burned and their fumes power the lights of the Duggar Institute.
16) Johannah Faith – The only Duggar to have been conceived through sex. The rest were Immaculately Concepted by the power of Arsan Duolai, believed to be the ruler of the underworld by the Yakuts, a small tribe that resides by the rivers and basins of Northern Russia.
17) Jennifer Danielle – Has three extra feet that some scientists believe are the remnants of three more Duggar children that did not survive the fetal stage of development, and were thus converted in to feet, as is common in the world of the biological sciences.
18) Jordyn-Grace Makiya - Is convinced she was given her name after her parents tossed all 26 letters of the alphabet, along with a few Chinese characters and a picture of dog licking his balls, in to a hat and randomly drew them out one at a time until a semi-coherent name was formed. Everyday Jordyn-Grace praises the lord that her name isn’t this:
19) Josie Brooklyn – The youngest Duggar. With the 20th Duggar on the way, Josie feels like a turn-of-the-century factory worker that’s being replaced by an automated machine that can shit and cry with far more efficacy than she can.
