DIY Botox is At-Home Fun with Botulism

Nowadays everyone loves DIY.  And by nowadays we’re of course distinguishing from back in the day when you had to do everything yourself, because nowadays you neither need to do it yourself and, very likely, you don’t have the skill to do it yourself but it makes you feel very empowered to do it yourself.  Look at you, you pioneer you.

While regular DIY lets you install a toilet in your bathroom or turn a handful of copper widgets into a dildomatic food processor/love machine, there’s also the awesome world of DIY medical procedures that we can all engage in for fun and profit.  And by profit we mean terrible danger.  Fun and terrible danger.

Removing a tooth or performing a circumcision is one thing, now you can also practice some cosmetic surgery with your very own DIY Botox kit.  And who wouldn’t want to subject their face to a series of injections meant to smooth out lines with the introduction of a strain of botulism in the face?  That sounds awesome!

Some people may tell you that just because Botox is technically poison and that injecting it incorrectly could horribly maim you, it’s a bad thing to do at home, especially if you’re untrained.  On the other hand, the kind of person who would buy a DIY Botox kit is the kind of person who can’t listen to or, more likely, can’t comprehend such warnings and thus they’re not even needed.  That in turn means home Botox kits should be plentiful and available to all who would want one.  It’s like a social experiment.  Will the rat continue to bite the cheese if it has an electrical current running through it?  Will the idiot keep injecting Botox if their face is twisting up into a heinous Sarah Jessica Parker-like visage?

Speaking of social experiments, we used the above video as a guide and one of our interns along with a Botox kit we found online to see how well this stuff really works.  Our intern is 24 years old and thus doesn’t have a lot of wrinkles on his face, so we took the next logical step and injected Botox directly into his scrotum.  Two hours later he was in agony and had a ballsack that looked like a finely polished doorknob.

Once we found some Percocet we sent him out to try to pick up some ladies to see if the Botox really improved his appearance.  Two hours after that he was in a holding cell downtown.

So the point is, this Botox stuff really works.