I don’t get fashion shows. Are they like car manufactures showing off concept cars that will never been sold to the public? Because for a while, I had a channel called “The Fashion Channel” that was nothing but models on runways looking like they just barely survived an explosion in a hardware store. Whenever I’d pass it, I’d always stop for a moment to try and figure out just what the hell was going on. I mean, I could tell that there was obviously a very tall, attractive women walking down a runway, but the bizarre assortment of “clothing” they would wear made them look, at times, grotesque and fucking crazy. Like someone had clothed a nightmare and told it to complete the arduous task of walking 50-feet and back.

You never see anyone on the street wearing anything you see at a fashion show. You never see totally exposed boobs, or someone with a fishnet eye patch, or someone with shoes for hands and hands for shoes, or whatever other ludicrous shit you see on a runway. It’s simply the fashion designer saying, “Here’s some weird shit. I’m rich off this. Suck it.” If I were to give a totally random and completely unscientific percentage of how much of the stuff on runways ends up in closets, I’d probably have to say about 3%.

The designers can’t possibly imagine a world where half their ideas will be sold to the public. For example, designer Isabel Mastache recently showed off her take on men’s fashion and…

…it’s got a dick made of pants on it.

See what I mean? This has to be more of an expression of “Look what I can do!” then it is one of style and function. If these pants were functional, it wouldn’t have a dick made of pants on it. It would be sans dick made of pants. You can’t walk in to a meeting with a high level executive with your cock hanging out. That shit is unacceptable in an office environment. Crafting a dick out of pant material doesn’t soften the blow. You’ve still got a dick hanging out. A dick’s a dick’s a dick. Dicks belong inside the pants. Fabricating a dick avatar that goes on top of where the dick is hiding is just as useless as having your real dick out.

Now, if it was a dick cozy, that would be a different story. On cold winter nights it would be good to have a nice little sock specially crafted to fit your dick. To keep it all warm and snug as the harsh winter cold attempts to shrink your dick in to submission. That could be pleasant. But this…this thing just sucks.

Oh, and it has a robot arm and shrubs on the face.

Just thought you should know that, in case you missed it.