Daylight Savings Time Makes Arizonans Smile Smugly From Within Their Bubble Just Outside the Space Time Continuum

With the nation griped in the mixture of confusion and fear brought on by having to move the hour hand on a clock back one hour, residents of Arizona — along with various other states and territories that do not observe daylight savings time, such as Hawaii, Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands, American Samoa, Guam and the Northern Marianas – are feeling rather amused this morning as they receive calls, faxes, text messages and new alerts from people that do not have the luxury of living in an area of the United States that exists outside of the flow of space and time.

“Oh, I love knowing that the very fabric of time simply washes over the great state of Arizona like water over a smooth stone,” said one Arizona resident. “I’m sure all that jumping an hour back and ahead is causing all manner of paradoxes for people.”

Mark Belgrade of Duluth, Minnesota, an area that exists within the constantly shifting space-time continuum, had a less optimistic response to the time shift, “WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL IS GOING ON?! MY ALARM WAS SET FOR 8, BUT NOW I’M IN THE FUTURE OR SOMETHING! OR MAYBE THE PAST! I DON’T KNOW ANY MORE! AND WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE THE VAGUE MEMORY OF BEING MARRIED?!”

Experts say that most people will eventually adjust to the time shift, but others will have their minds forever caught within a time loop that will eventually drive them to an insanity that can only be corrected by a time machine and mad scientist crazy enough to risk blinking out all human existence.