David Hasselhoff Drunkenly Schools You on Recent German History
David Hasselhoff, reigning prince of the German pop music scene, recently presented the award for “Best Rock” (the video cuts off just as he gets to the nominees, but we have some good sources that tell us the winner was sedimentary) at the 2009 EMA’s held in Berlin.
As one could have guessed without even watching the video, The Hoff was probably wasted during the presentation. We have no hard evidence to back up that claim; there are no photos of him drinking backstage, no video, and, as far as we can tell, not even a single rumor of the Hoff downing near lethal amounts of hooch – but we don’t need any of that for proof.
To the claim of “Don’t be so quick to judge! How can you tell he’s drunk?” we have prepared this statement:
“C’mooooooooon! C’moooooooooooooon!! Did you even watch the video?! Just look at him!”
(End of statement)
After a few cordial greetings to the crowd, The Hoff then informs the viewing audience of something that the history books have apparently gotten wrong: David Hasselhoff did not – repeat: DID NOT – bring down the Berlin Wall. That it was, in fact, the East Germans that did it. With that single announcement, David Hasselhoff wiped away the collective knowledge of the world as it pertains to the demolishing of the Berlin Wall. Who knew we were being lied to all these years?
He then follows up his history lesson with what is either a German greeting, or the drunken ramblings of a guy that used to talk to a car for a living. They’re interchangeable, really.
