David Duchovny is Responsible for Anal Probing

Mmm. Cheeky.

Is that a bold headline?  Sensationalized?  Playing fast and loose with facts and emotions.  The answers are no, no, no/yes.  Things are a little loose here but everything else is on the up and up.  Even Reuters is behind the claim David Duchovny may have single handedly gone to 9 out of 10 trailer parks around this great land and inserted finger into recta over and over again, all in the name of appeasing his alien overlords and their insatiable need for bum research.

It’s long been known aliens are ass men, and that’s cool.  Everyone likes ass.  But what hasn’t always been known is that apparently alien abduction reports increase when pop culture gets its inefficiently lubed fingers into the pie.  The British Ministry of Defense, who tragically has to field these calls apparently, reports that in 1995 there were 117 UFO sightings.  In 1996, after the release of the movie Independence Day and the rise in popularity of the X-Files, that number rose to 609 sightings.

Media may want to spin this article to suggest that people “make up” UFO sightings thanks to pop culture influence, but the facts between the lines are clean.  Once the X-Files became hugely popular, David Duchovny traveled to Europe and put his finger in the asses of 609 British citizens.  Hopefully Posh Spice was one of them.  Seems like it’d be a tight fit though.