Cosmo Thinks Swine Flu Is Like, Totally F’ing Gross, you know?

Cosmopolitan Magazine used to be a fine and intellectual periodical that focused mostly on great literary works. Hell, before the great H.G.Wells masterpiece War of the Worlds was novelized, it was serialized in Cosmo.

But that was back in the 1800s.

It’s 2009 and Cosmo is all about keeping young girls frivolous and stupid. What was once a breeding ground for such legendary authors ad Rudyard Kipling and Jack London, is now home to articles like “10 Things Guys Crave in bed” and “Do this 1 thing on your first date (and he’s yours!).” We can only assume that one thing is blowing him before the first hello.

Using their finite chick-shit wisdom, Cosmo is now tackling the world of hard-hitting journalism with articles and features that are all about keeping the reader abreast of newsworthy happenings.

Of course, that’s all bullshit.

The graphic above is the closest Cosmo has come to being a reputable source for intelligence in well over a century.  And, as you can plainly see, they failed.

What with swine flu being all the rage, and knowing that some of their self-esteem lacking readers may actually try to contract the virus to shed those pesky pounds in time for bikini season, Cosmo released a bit of a Do’s and Don’ts guide to swine flu safety.

They kick off their guide with a sex tip because A) it’s Cosmo, and B) if their young horny female readers see anything that isn’t a sex tip on a page they instantly tune out and think they’re reading what they call “Like, fucking stupid, like smart people stuff, you know?” (A rough translation of their butchered English is “I do not find this article pleasurable in any way and I suggest withhold such discussions for a more cerebral publication”).

Their swine flu sex tip essentially boils to down, “If you’ve got swine flu, please, fuck the other way.”

There’s little other advice to give to sexual active hypochondriac 20-something females then to tell them to continue to go about with their act of body fluid exchange, just as long as they never look their partner in the eyes.

What they forgot to mention is the dangers of oral sex. One guy with swine flu going down on a lady can turn a once health vagina in to a hot bed for a pig’s disease.