Cops v. Nazi Samurai

People like to hate on cops because of their frequent taser use. While it’s true that some cops may need to tone their usage of that little machine that makes me laugh whenever I see it used on people, other people have to realize that it does serve a purpose. Not every tasing is an evil, corrupt tasing delivered by a former high school bully that never made it out of his small town. Sometimes a cop has to use it on a guy that’s threatening you with a sword and some fire as if it were medieval times.

36-year-old Pennsylvanian George Rogers is what medical professionals call “fucking crazy.”  At 12:30 am, Rogers placed a call to the police as to make them aware of the fact that he had doused his apartment with gasoline, and that he was ready to set the place ablaze. He was just giving them a heads up. He also just casually mentioned that while the apartment was burning around him, he was going to add an extra shot of suicide by shooting himself with a crossbow. The police informed Rogers that they were on the way. Rogers took offence to this and decided to take up arms. By that I mean he picked up his cheap samurai sword he bought online that he decorated with a beautiful array of swastikas and skulls. He probably drew them on with a sharpie that he took quite a few hits off of.

The cops, a part of a special task-force created specifically for situations involving suicidal and homicidal lunatics armed with swords, fire, crossbows, and swastikas, stormed the apartment with “bat shields,” which are Kevlar shields that, as you can probably guess, are shaped like walrus’s.

The battle began…and ended rather quickly.

Once the cops busted in, Rogers hacked away at them with the sword. According to the officer (and in an attempt to make the entire situation seem far more epic then it actually was), the sword was “sturdy enough to put in your heart and rip it out.” The issue was resolved after the officer downed Rogers with a stun gun (stun guns, of course, being Rogers’ only weakness).