Complete Eradication Never Tasted So Good

Evil, obviously

Americans became enraged when they discovered that Sarah Palin went on a wolf hunting expedition where she shot wolves from a helicopter. Thankfully, all of those pansy douchebags were silenced when it was discovered that to even the playing field, the wolves were given their own helicopter, which they chose not to use because it would disgrace their proud wolf heritage.

Now, it appears that Australia is facing a major camel problem. The problem is there’s a lot of them, and they need to be shot from helicopters. A better description of this story comes from the first line of the report from Sky News:

“Thousands of camels will be shot from helicopters and turned into burgers in a bid to halt their trail of havoc across Australia.”

It’s silly, it’s epic, and it makes camels seem like devil-spawn that need an aerial shooting. That’s a goddamn good opening line.

The problem with the camels is that they’re thirsty little fuckers that are not satisfied with local water supplies and natural watering holes. In response, they are literally breaking into peoples’ homes, destroying bathrooms, busting pipes, all for a few drops of watery septic yum-yums.

The Australian federal government has allocated £9.5m (which is, at this point, like 20 billion American dollars) for the killing of 650,000 camels. They will use this money to higher sharpshooters for this camel reduction program. We suppose these sharpshooters are all rebels with a dark past that must lug around an annoying kid that they cannot force themselves to part with. This kid will inevitably teach them how to be happy in a sick and twisted world where you have to revenge-kill camels.