Christmas Mouse Supports Pedophilia

If there’s one thing everyone enjoys, it’s shoddy toys from a factory where the workers are likely forced to bathe in asbestos on the way in and out of the building and their wages are sometimes paid in not being beaten.  Surprisingly, sometimes the toys produced in these factories are not exactly what you’d call “good” so much as they are what you’d call “hunks of shit.”

In this case, our little Christmas mouse is supposed to cheerily single “Jingle Bells.”  The issue here is that he words “jingle bells” sound a hell of a lot like “pedophile.”  Now maybe it’s just a case of a garbled recording, or maybe the guy recording it was on the can at the time and he forced out “jingle bells” kind of weird, but whatever the reason, when the mouse hits “jingle all the way” you can pretty clearly make out the world “jingle” but man, that first part really does sound like pedophile.

Perhaps the bigger concern here is the potential for a epidemic of pedophile greetings.  Suppose this toy was made in China, probably in some massive, smoke-belching dump of a building where they also make Tupperware and The Hills.  Suppose all those hardworking Chinese laborers are busy stapling lead-lined fur to this little bastard and the entire factory, stuffed with 10,000 people, is constantly buzzing with a cacophony of pederast mice all singing the same fucked up song.  Suppose these guys go home at night muttering “Pedophile, Pedophile, jingle all the way!” under their breath.  Suppose they sing it to their kids.  Suppose by next year, every single goddamn person in China thinks pedophile!” is the traditional English greeting for Christmas.

Probably that would never happen, but you never know.  Anyway, dude totally says pedophile, have a listen.