Brittany Murphy Died Thanks to SNL

32 year old actress Brittany Murphy has died of a cardiac arrest, some people go so far as to say it was natural causes.  32 year olds don’t naturally die of cardiac arrest usually though, do they?  Don’t answer that, the answer is no.  So how did this happen?  The answer is Lorne Michaels and the collective cast of Saturday Night Live.  Man, do those guys suck.

A couple of weeks back, Abby Elliot, whose name you might not recognize because you have no reason to, did an impression of Murphy on Weekend Update.  It was arguably one of the unfunniest moments in SNL history and this was before Murphy died.  Stop and take a minute to let that sink in.

On the surface, saying something is the unfunniest moment in SNL history might seem superficial.  You might think “Oh, that must have been a sucky bit” or something.  But we mean in the history of SNL.  Do you have any idea how unfunny the history of SNL is?  Sure, they have had a golden age, then there was a renaissance in the 1990s, but Jesus…remember Stuart Smalley?  Remember Pat?  Remember the entire cast from like 2000-2007?  For every hilarious sketch ever done on SNL, and we have to admit there are countless classic bits, there are also bits so vile that even MadTV wouldn’t have run them.  That’s right, not even MadTV.

So this Brittany Murphy impression on weekend update was easily in the ranks of the unfunniest shit they’ve done.  It’s so bad it’s been taken off of Hulu, though that may have something to do with the real Murphy’s death and the good people at SNL realizing they murdered her with their stark lack of comedy.  Christ, Horatio Sanz and Chris Kattan are funnier than that Brittany Murphy impression.  We had an intern type that last sentence and he was immediately stricken blind and given diarrhea.

Anyway, apparently Murphy had been having some issues lately and was fired from her last movie for being a bit of a nutter on the set.  Or difficult or whatever, and likely that was due to the waves of ill timing and just piss poor effort emanating from New York.  How can you concentrate on work with this godawful impression stewing in someone’s mind?  Do you know how many people have to be involved to get a skit to air on SNL?  Someone writes it, maybe someone else performs it, producers and directors have to sign off, other performers give their feedback, Lorne Michaels has to OK it though in fairness Lorne Michaels would turn a bag of dogshit into a film if a cast member was willing to star as the dog shit’s mother and Dan Aykroyd would do a cameo.  All of those people killed Brittany Murphy with unfunny.

So today, FunnyCrave tips its hat in solemn silence to Brittany Murphy, one-time star of Clueless and Sin City and voice of also unfunny Luanne from King of the Hill.  She may not have cured cancer or changed the world, but she didn’t deserve to be murdered by unfunny.