Best and Worst Dressed from the VMAwww, who gives a shit?

So, the VMAs were last night. Yet again, this event took the Funny Crave staff by surprise seeing as we were too busy banging hoes, slapping five, doing cocaine, and checking our stocks…because were adults now. All teen-centric cultural phenomenons catch us off guard. Maybe if these same teen idols were to get together for an award show about mortgage payments, credit card bills, divorce, and only getting to see your kids on the weekends, then we’d be on the red carpet doing a live podcast as we interviewed Britney Spears about her sensible shoes and her opinion of the latest John Grisham novel.

(Okay, we’re not old at all, but we just don’t care about the VMAs. In fact, in order to make that John Grisham joke, I had to Amazon search one of his book titles to remember his name. Seeing as I don’t know the titles of any of his books, I randomly typed in “The Client” because it sounded like a generic thriller title involving lawyers. It turns out that John Grisham actually wrote a book called “The Client.”)
But if there is one thing we love here at Funny Crave, it’s fashion. Oh, we love the shit. It’s like art that you wear on your body, or at least that’s a thing we once heard as we disguised ourselves as mirrors and hung out in Nordstrom changing rooms. So to honor fashions, we will now give you our opinions on the best and worst dressed peoples of the VMAs.
It’s time to get catty up in this bitch…

Brooke Hogan

If Brooke Hogan’s dress tells me one thing and one thing only, it’s that I would probably have sex with Hulk Hogan if he were to wear this dress.

Nelly Furtado

We congratulate Ms. Furtado on becoming the first lady of Spain.

Leighton Meester

This star of Gossip Girl is showing America how truly resilient and brave she is by showing up to the VMAs only minutes after being sold in to intergalactic sex slavery.

Madonna

Madonna chose to go with a pricey yet fashionable experimental military cloaking device. Notice how her clothing seamlessly blends in with her surroundings? Yeah, that’s three billion dollars and 17 years worth of research that went in to making Madonna look like a user of dark magicks. Also, it looks like she has four legs. She is a goat person.

Katy Perry

Katy’s elegant usage of tin foil is both fashionable and practical. How else is she going to keep the government from stealing the thoughts from her large intestine?

Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, and Miley Cyrus

Legally speaking, we cannot make the jokes we want to make here due to the ages of two of the girls pictured. So, in order to make it fair, we’ll just say that we’ll have sex will all three of them. Their ages have to average out to some kind of legal sex act, right?

T-Pain

It looks as though T-Pain went to the VMAs sporting a ringer master on his back. Wait…was that racist?

Jermaine Dupri

It’s good to see that those afflicted with Down syndrome can dress so eloquently.

Kid Rock

It’s a bit of a relief to know that you can show up to the VMAs in the same clothing that you contracted Hepatitis in. Hopefully, this will start a trend.

Lady Ga Ga

And finally, here is Lady Ga Ga strolling down the red carpet in one of those large wooden cut outs that you place your face in to and take a picture. This cut out is apparently of the “Exploded Victorian vulture” variety.