Axe body Spray Will Not Get You Laid, but it May Make You Rich

For those that have never smelled it, Axe body spray smells just like the confusion you experienced in the 7^th grade after you kissed your first girlfriend for the first time, then, two weeks later, she broke up with you because she thinks you’re not “the one.” In other words, if you could bottle pure pubescence, add a touch of pine scented air freshener to it, and then incorporated a heavy dose of liquid delusion, you would get Axe body spray.

The truth is those commercials with the dudes spraying themselves and the packs of rabid women rushing to said dude are pretty damn far from reality, unless, of course, you’re in to younger chicks – ladies of the middle school variety. Today the world gets word of one man from India that found out a single spray of the canned douchebaggary that is Axe (or “Lynx,” as it’s called in India) will not get you laid.

26-year-old Vaibhav Bedi is suing the makers of the spray because he’s been using it and its many side products for 7 years with hopes that it would bring him all kinds of foxy ladies. He got roughly zero foxy ladies.

“The company cheated me because in its advertisements, it says women will be attracted to you if you use Axe. I used it for seven years but no girl came to me,” said Bedi as he stuck his head inside of a tree trunk hoping some elves would give him some freshly baked cookies.

The saddest part of it all is that court officials in New Dheli have accepted Bedi’s pre-used samples of Axe shampoos, deodorants, sprays and body washes, which they will then subject to rigorous forensic testing’s to prove whether or not the smell of an idiot is in fact the mythical Love Potion No. 9.

“There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don’t attract women,” said India’s leading compensation lawyer Ram Jethmalani.

Jethmalani went on to say, “In fact, some of the best-looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys.” In response, Bedi squinted his eyes, turned his head in thought, and then finally said, “Screw you, man.”