Awesome Product of the Week – Shoedini

Hey there, good buddy.  How you feeling?  Oh no, back hurts?  Oh no, legs are sore?  Oh no, herpes?!?!  Well take a load off your back, your mind and your genital scourge because have we go a treat for you.  No longer are you going to have to suffer through the pain in the ass of bending over to put your shoes on again.  Let the peasants and people with mental disorders do that.  You know the ones we mean.  You see ‘em out there all the time in their tunics, melted cheese in their beards, screaming at the pavement and shitting themselves, then bending to put on shoes.  Crazy bastards.  But not you!  Not anymore!

Thanks to the miracle of Shoedini (do you get it?  It’s like Houdini!  Harry Houdini!  He was a magician and now you’re going to be magic too!  He escaped from a trunk and now your foot can escape from your shoe!! Ha ha ha, do you get it?  We get it, we think!! Yay!) you’re no longer a slave to the big shoe companies that want you bent over and subservient like common street whores.  Thanks to the Shoedini’s patented grip clip and telescoping handle, if you can stand, you can put on a shoe.  It’s as simple as wasting $14.99 on a stick!

Wait, hold on there.  What’s that look of consternation?  Not sure it’ll work on your fancy dress shoes?  Ha ha, don’t be a retard!  Look at the video, this mother works on all shoes, probably.  They don’t mention hiking boots or anything but if you can’t bend over to put on a shoe, where the hell are you hiking to?  Stop worrying and just Shoedini your troubles away.

And look at this, the Shoedini comes with a free shoe renewer!  That’s right, don’t vomit, we said “free.”  When’s the last time you wanted to run a snail trail of some random slicker across your shoe and came up short?  Every day, right?  Ha ha!  Now you can shoe renew that leathery clodhopper and make it look like you just waded through a pool of spooge!  And you don’t even have to bend over to do it, just lift the shoe with your Shoedini!  Man, these guys thought of everything.

Or did they?  Can your Shoedini love you?  Will it welcome you home at the end of the day or does nothing but your cold, empty, sterile home, as lonesome and devoid of joy as your own heart await you?  Ha!  They give you two Shoedini’s for the price of one, so no worries!  Two patented grip clips can hug you better than any family ever could! Yay!