Amy Winehouse Gets new, Crackier Boobs

Here’s a list of things we never want to see that we keep on the fridge in the FunnyCrave lunch room (incidentally, whoever ate my tuna sandwich can go straight to hell).

- the suffering of the innocent

- a dog trying to poop tinsel

- Luke Perry

- vampires

- a ball of flaming debris rolling in our direction

- Glenn Beck moving in next door

- aliens with the wrong sized anal probe

- people who think Dane Cook is funny

- Dane Cook

- people who think Jeff Dunham is funny

- Jeff Dunham

- Amy Winehouse’s breasts

- Larry King’s breasts

Did you catch that second last one?  No one wants to see Amy Winehouse’s breasts.  That list was what we don’t want to see, we in the general sense of all humanity.  No one in the world wants to see any of that.  And yet, Amy Winehouse got a boob job and apparently she has to show them off everywhere.

Obviously FunnyCrave supports boobs.  We have ribbons tied around the small shrub we keep in the office that was bought with funds that went directly towards boobs and boob-related charities.  We have an annual fun run called the “FunnyCrave Trot for Tits” that is a blast for everyone.  We are boob-friendly people.

But see, the thing about Amy Winehouse getting breast implants is that, at the end of the day, she’s Amy Winehouse with breast implants.  If you put a cherry on top of a sundae made from rancid sauerkraut and toilet scum, you don’t celebrate the cherry.  You bury that foul effluence in a dank pit and hope it doesn’t resurrect.

Look at this picture.  Is this appealing?  In any way?

Is that your boob or is there a goblin in your shirt?

The answer is no and you know it’s no.  It’s not yes.  It’s no.

Frankly, it’s offensive that Amy Winehouse would exploit boobs in this way, get them all dirty and covered in relapse filth and ruin something that should be fun for everyone.  Worse, you’re going to be seeing this in the news all the time now.  All the time.  You know why?  The media is an engine of hate.  The media wants Amy Winehouse to get out of a car with no panties on and a boob out and then say how awful it is – but then show it to you! You may not be able to tell, but we actually photoshopped that pic in order to keep your mind sanitary.  We had to see the real thing.

You’ve been warned, people.  Winehouse boobs – they’re out there.  Waiting.