America, The World’s Leader In 4 Boob Technology
By Luis Prada
Boobs are a beautiful thing. They’re also very versatile. One minute they can be feeding a small baby, the next, they can be slapped around during a wild sexual romp just outside of the baby’s bed room after it falls asleep. For so long, men have loved boobs but have felt just a bit let down by one aspect of mother nature’s boob design: too few boobs. For so long, mankind has looked to cows with intense jealousy. “Why can’t my lady have a bunch of boobs?” they say.
It wasn’t until Total Recall that men were given a glimpse in to the future they could have if some kind of genetic mutation caused women to have more than 2 boobs. But now men need not to look to 80s science fiction for their multi-boob fantasies. It seems that a woman in Staten Island has granted the wish of men all over the world as she went under the knife to get a simple Breast enlargement, and walked out with two extra boobs.
Maria Alaimo had no intention of getting an extra two boobs slapped on. But one of the risks associated with breast augmentation is something called “Double-Bubble” deformity. Double-Bubble occurs when the breast hangs lower than the implant in it; thereby, creating the look of 4 boobs – the original two with the nipples and areolas and all that fun stuff, and another set just above them that make a woman look like a naked Barbie doll.
Where we can see Alaimo’s side of the story, we can’t help but feel like mankind just won the World Cup of boob achievement. It is perhaps through this medical mistake that men will finally be able to reach the peak of the multi-boob mount Olympus. Through the blunders of modern medicine, we have stumbled upon a future where no man shall go more than a few minutes without a boob to latch on to. For so long, the glory of boobs has been held tight to the chests of women. But now, now we are at the dawn of the democratization of boobs. A boob for every horny man, hungry child, and woman that’s in to that sort of thing.
Gentle Funny Crave readers, soon our cup sizes shall runith over with boob.
Boob.
