Activities for a Canadian on the American Thanksgiving

As you may know, Canadians celebrated their Thanksgivng a full month ago because waiting for turkey is for suckers, and because the pilgrims landed in Canada first before realizing the awful winters and the prevalence of Frenchman was uncool and then they headed south.  But they stayed long enough to eat a bird or two.

In Canada, American Thanksgiving is known as “Thursday” and is celebrated by doing everything you would normally do on a Thursday.  If you find yourself stranded in Canada today or, God help you, you are Canada, here’s a fun list of traditional Canadian activities enjoyed on Thursdays 1/7^th of the time.

- wrestle a moose

- invite a Mountie to hop off his horse and share some warm cocoa with you

- tap one of the many maple trees to make delicious maple syrup

- have a poutine at one of Canada’s many fine Poutineries

- run away from a polar bear

- run away from a grizzly bear

- run away from a brown bear

- run away from a black bear

- don’t run from a gay man who calls himself a bear, gay marriage is legal in Canada!

- drink Molson in the Rockies

- drink Labatt’s in the Arctic

- hunt penguin for sport

- attend a Celine Dion rally (they’re every other week)

- visit Toronto, Canada’s largest village, and see their Wal Mart

- have a donut at Tim Hortons

- buy a toque to keep your head warm

- make fun of a Newfie, Canada’s loveable east coast retards

- kill and then use every part of a caribou

- help the Inuit people build a pool

- avoid vampires near the Arctic Circle once the sun sets for like a month

- go to Saskatchewan and see nothing

- go to Alberta and see nothing

- go to Manitoba and wish you were in Saskatchewan

- smoke pot in Vancouver with all the dirty hippies there

- get shot in Toronto

- get cursed out for being Anglo in Montreal

- get VD in Montreal

- run with the beavers

- avoid the smell of Detroit in Windsor

- meet the 6 people who live in Nunavut

Yes, Thursday is a grand day in Canada.  Have fun!