A Series Of Halloween-Themed Tweets That Went Un-Tweeted Due To a Large-Scale Power Outage

I live in New Hampshire, so I was lucky this past weekend to be one of the lucky 183,000 people without power during a god damn blizzard 2 days before Halloween. Here are a bunch of tweets I had queued up to catalog the events of the weekend as they unfolded, but couldn’t.

Just looked outside. Snowflakes the size of golf balls are falling from the sky. I can’t believe it’s almost Halloween!

Just looked outside again. Can’t see a f*cking thing since I lost power and it’s midnight. Thank you, Nature.

Our Halloween display in the front yard was crushed by a tree. Trick or F*ck you, Nature.

Just got laughed out of Home Depot and Lowe’s looking for generators. It couldn’t possibly be worse than this.

Okay, it got worse. I went to the store to get water. The cashier spit in my face when I said “I need water”. She said “You’re welcome”

Just melted 3 gallons of snow into a 1/4 gallon of water. it took 3 hours on the wood stove. 12 and a half more and I can flush my toilet.

I am at bucket number 11 now, and the smell is making me gag. Why did I have Taco Bell the night of a storm?

I got impatient with bucket 12 and got slush in the toilet, which is now clogged and worse than before. i am never eating at taco Bell again

Went to pick up dinner. McDonald’s, Burger King, Dairy Queen, KFC, Dunkin’ Donuts, and Wendy’s were all full. Had to get Taco Bell.

Walked over to neighbor’s yard with one of the dogs to take a sh*t and blame it on the dog, since my toilet is still full.

Justin Bieber’s “One Time” is stuck in my head, and with no noise to drown out my thoughts, I am considering laying outside naked to die.

One Time has been replaced by Tiny Tim’s Tiptoe “through the tulips.” I decided to put my clothes back on.

Tripped in bathroom, knocked over toilet, spilled on floor. Power line fell and hit house, so trapped inside. Bieber song back in head.

I woke up Tuesday morning to find the power line fixed, and my crap smeared on the front of my house saying “Keep your dog out of my yard, Dietle!!” I thought the second exclamation point was excessive, especially since it was written in turd. We bought a generator, but it doesn’t have a manual. Like mark Twain said; “If you don’t like the weather in New England, wait a minute. It will get even worse.”