A Review of KFC’s Double Down Sandwich

If you’re in to the whole low-carb diet thing, and are even more in to fast food-induced heart attacks, KFCs new Double Down sandwich was made specifically for you. It’s an amalgamation of horrible that makes you feel guilty as you’re ordering it, as you’re eating it, and about 15 minutes ago when I had a spell of the thunder poops because of it.

For those that don’t know, yesterday, Kentucky Fried Chicken has released a new “sandwich” called the Double Down. I put the word “sandwich” in “quotes” because while there are food-like products that are being, literally, “sandwiched” in between two other food-like products, giving this thing a name that associates it with other sandwich-like things is ludicrous, at best. This is probably why KFC doesn’t actually call it “The Double Down Sandwich,” but rather, just “The Double Down.” It’s not a sandwich. It’s an angry ball of grease and protein that, if left out in the sun too long, would probably sprout arms and legs.

An Early Incarnation of the Double Down

The Double Down consists of a greasy hunk of idiocy, slathered with a zesty retardation sauce, wedged between 2 buns of deep fried stupid. To put it in literal terms: two original recipe deep fried chicken breasts, a couple slices of bacon, pepper jack cheese, and a sauce of some sort. It sounds horrifying (and it is) but, in all honesty, it’s not that bad. At least not as bad as it looks. Below, is a picture that I took of my Double down after unwrapping it.

I should start off by saying this: if you don’t like KFC’s food, you’re going to hate the Double Down. Me, I like KFC, and the Double Down just feels like a regular KFC meal — just one that was dreamt up by the grossly overweight 7-year-old son of a KFC executive.

When I actually sunk my teeth in to the amalgamation, I quickly noticed that none of its flavors mesh together very well. You taste the chicken, cheese, bacon and sauce separately. None of them marry to form one unique flavor, as real and good food is supposed to do. The cheese is extra cheesy, like it was genetically altered to be more cheese-like than cheese is. It had a certain rich milkiness to it that would surely kill a lactose intolerant person.

Inevitably, though, the Double Down ends up tasting like a mistake – like someone messed up my order. If it had mashed potatoes on it I would have thought someone had scooped out the insides of a KFC Famous Bowl and just handed it to me like an angry balled up wad of pigs feed.

Really, this review is a conflicted one. On the one hand, I know I’m eating something that represents everything that’s wrong with American diets. On the other hand, again, it’s really not that bad when you eat it. My brain hates it more than my taste buds do. But I won’t refute its colon cleansing abilities. This thing came back to attack the inside of my toilet bowl with a fury. I think my toilet bowl may have raped my Double Down’s family or something.

My last bite, or after-birth on a KFC wrapper?

In the end, the Double Down is just silly. It’s a silly idea that looks silly when you’re actually holding it, and it tastes silly on the way down to your stomach. The only sillier thing you can have in your mouth is a clown’s penis, and I don’t think KFC is going to be releasing deep fried clown dicks any time in the foreseeable future.

The Verdict: Give it a shot. It’s dumb, and you may hate it, but it’s an experience that will at least give you a greater appreciation for the truly good foods out there – good foods like Taco Bell’s cheesy gordita crunch. Mmmmm.