A Mental Health Crisis Event

Crisis Services:  <name and location removed to protect the innocent> crisis services, how can I help you?

FunnyCrave Staffer: Uh, hi.

CS:  Hello.  Is there something I can do for you today?

FCS:  Yeah, I have a problem over here.

CS: Ok, do you want to tell me about it?

FCS:  Well, I mean, it’s not me exactly.  I live with my uncle.

CS:  OK

FCS: And he had some issues when he was younger.

CS: OK

FCS:  Yeah, like experiments in the 60’s and 70’s, you know?

CS: Um, OK.  Like drugs?

FCS:  Exactly.  Mom told me he did a lot of weird stuff.  He was a hippie.

CS: Oh, OK.

FCS:  Yeah, and these days he’s not always there.

CS: Ok, so your uncle suffered some lasting effects from drug use?

FCS: Oh yeah.  That’s why he has to live with us.  Like he can’t be alone, you know?

CS: OK, so you’re his caregiver?

FCS: Well, not me, but my family, yeah.

CS: Ok, and has something happened?

FCS:  God. Yeah.  OK, things set him off sometimes, you know?

CS:  I’m not sure what you mean.

FCS:  Like you can say or do something sometimes and it makes him lose his mind.

CS: OK.

FCS:  Yeah, so today, like right now, he’s just out of control.

CS: OK, do you need emergency services?

FCS: Oh, no, nothing like that.  He’s not dangerous, really.

CS:  OK, I’m afraid I don’t understand what you need then.

FCS:  I need your advice or something.  Like he sees this doctor once a month but they just give him pills to keep him calm.  But, ok, the thing is my mom bought this box of stuff called Poppycock.  Do you know what that is?

CS:  Um, no.

FCS:  It’s like Crackerjacks or whatever.  It’s caramel corn.

CS:…OK

FCS:  Yeah, like who cares, right?  But my uncle starts saying it.  “Poppycock.  Poppycock?  Poppycock!”

CS:  OK.

FCS:  But then he’s all “Poppycock?  Floppy cock”

CS:…

FCS:  So now every time I say anything he just yells Floppycock.

CS:  Excuse me?

FCS:  I know, right?  I go to the bathroom, he stands at the door yelling “floppycock.”  I make a sandwich, he takes it and yells floppycock.  I’m going crazy here.

CS: Um… OK.  Does he seem aware otherwise?

FCS:  At this point I don’t even care.  I just want to know how to shut him up.  The vicar is coming to dinner and if my dad gets home and Uncle Gary is yelling floppycock at everyone the shit is going to hit the fan, pardon my language.

CS:  It’s OK.  Well, um…we need to determine if your uncle is still aware of his surroundings apart from this issue.

FCS:  He’s aware that everything is floppycock.  What does that even mean?  I mean, I know what it means, but, you know.  I don’t get it.

CS:  Well, without knowing the nature of your uncle’s illness, it’s hard to say for sure what’s happening.  If he’s suffering effects from prolonged drug use then it’s likely he has some degree of brain damage, but that could manifest itself in any number of ways.

FCS:  Oh, I know.  I mean usually it’s just masturbating in the kitchen or crying at cartoons, but this has been going on for three days.

CS:  For three days?

FCS:  Three days of him yelling floppycock.  And once he asked for toast, but that’s it.  Can he even do that? Like say floppycock for two days, then ask for toast, then go back?  Is he faking it?

CS:  Well, sometimes people in caregiver situations who have spent a life being independent and now find themselves in the care of family will act out in dramatic ways, but with a history of mental illness I think it would definitely be best to consult your uncle’s physician, especially after this length of time.

FCS: But Dr. Heineken is out of town until next week.

CS:  OK.  Did he leave instructions for who to contact in an emergency?

FCS:  Yes, there’s another doctor, but my uncle hates him.  Calls him a Nazi.

CS:  Oh.  Well, your local mental health unit should also have a list of doctors in the area who would be able to assist you.  If you give me a moment I can get the number for you.

FCS: <someone yells Floppycock in the background> Jesus, did you hear that?

CS:  I’m sorry?

FCS <FLOPPYCOCK FLOPPYCOCK FLOPPYCOCK> Gary, I’m on the phone.  Uncle Gary…Uncle Gary.  I need you to go back to your room, OK? <Floppycock!>  Can you hear this?

CS:  Oh.  Yes, I can hear him.

FCS:  Is there like some trick or anything to settle these people down?

CS:  Settle?

FCS:  Like a neck pinch or something?

CS:  Oh.  Oh no, it’s best to not provoke anyone who’s experiencing a mental health crisis with any undo physical contact.

FCS:  I think he wouldn’t see it coming, I mean we wrestle a lot.  He keeps trying to teach me kung fu but my mom swears he doesn’t know anything.

CS: OK, but if your uncle is not aware of his surroundings then he might not recognize you and if you try to make contact with him in an aggressive way it could be very traumatic for him.

FCS:  But this is traumatic for me.  The vicar is going to be unimpressed by this, I can tell you that much.

CS:  Well, short of referring you to someone in your area I’m not sure I can help.

FCS:  Can I give him more of his pills?  Like just to get him to crash for a bit?

CS: Oh, no.  If he has a prescription he needs to follow the doctor’s directions exactly.

FCS: Oh…hmmm.

CS:  Has he been taking his medication properly?

FCS:  What do you mean by properly?

CS:  Has he been taking his medication according to his doctor’s directions?

FCS:  Always?

CS:  He has to follow his prescription exactly.

FCS:  Oh, nuts.

CS: So he’s been off his medication?

FCS:  Not always. We trade sometimes.

CS:  You trade?

FCS:  Yeah, he likes my pills they’re green.  I like his, they’re blue.

CS: You trade medication?

FCS: Wait.  Nevermind.  I have to go.

CS:  Sir, it’s important that you and your uncle each take your medication as it’s prescribed.

FCS:  Pfft.  Prescribed.  You’re just like that Nazi.  Floppycock!  FLOPPYCOCK!

CS: Ok, sir.

FCS:  Yeah, man….I’m sorry, I didn’t think this would go on so long.  Peace.