It has been a long held secret, but the truth may finally be out: the secret recipe Coca Cola used to make Coke. For 125 years, Coke’s recipe has been one of the most closely guarded secreted in the trade, but it only took reporters from NPR’s This American Life a few flips through an newspaper from February 18, 1979 to find what appears to be the original Coke recipe handwritten by John Pemberton, the inventor of Coke.

Time magazine got their hands on the recipe, and even the recipe for the special ingredient in coke known as the “Merchandise 7X flavoring.” But why they only list the ingredients, I want to make sure that you are aware of what all of the individual ingredients do, and what roles they play in creating the flavor of the Coke you know and love.

The recipe:

Fluid extract of Coca: Because someone will get arrested if they flat-out tell you they’re putting what is essentially cocaine in your child’s favorite fizzy drink.

Citric acid:
The acid most suited for consumption. It is better suited than sulphuric acid, yet somehow less suited than acid washed jeans.

Caffeine: If you drank fizzy brown stuff that didn’t make you want to all of a sudden clean your engine block, then you’d think your fizzy brown stuff was defective, and you’d try to get your money back.

Because Love Handles and Rolls of Neck Fat aren’t and cannot actually be considered ingredients.
Water: Without it, you’d be choking down brown sugar sludge through a funnel…and you’ve love it.
Lime juice: Like indigenous island people, the Coca Cola Company adds a touch of lime juice to their product to preserve it during long, harsh summer days, and so the animal carcass the coke is harvested from doesn’t rot and bloat and take on a musky taste and foul stench.

It hates it when you call it boring….could be a tag line for vanilla if vanilla weren’t so damn boring and was worthy of the ad space.

Add 1.5 Oz to the mixture and you have Coke. Add 20 Oz and you have a Milky Way chocolate bar.

The secret 7X flavor

Thus proving that rum and cokes are redundant.
Orange oil: Not to be confused with yellow oil. That stuff is fucking gross.

Lemon oil:
Is like yellow oil, but with a fresher scent.
Coriander: Smells like a box of Froot Loops. No joke.

Is also used to in perfumes to add a light citrusy kind of scent when you want a perfume wearer to smell like they just got molested by an orange grove.

: I can’t come up with a joke for cinnamon. It’s the least funny of all the spices.