A Beginner’s Guide To the Wu-Tang Clan

RZA, one of the founding members of the Wu-Tang Clan, has been all over the place recently.  This summer, he had a minor but still hilarious role in Judd Apatow’s Funny People.  More recently, he’s appeared on the Black Keys fueled Blakroc album and helped break the news that the Red Hot Chili Peppers might be down a guitarist.

With all of these RZA sightings, we figured there might be some curiosity among people not in the know (i.e. old white folk) about the origins of the group that brought him to fame, the Wu-Tang Clan.  Fear not, whitey, we’re on it!

History:

The Wu-Tang Clan was formed in 1968 as a grassroots organization devoted to finding the residents of Staten Island something to do on Saturday nights.  Early activities included lawn darts, roller skating, trips to the movies, and auto detailing.  The group’s focus changed in the late 70′s when rap music began to take hold as a cultural phenomenon.  Soon, they were spending countless hours crafting complex rhyme schemes and throwing massive weekend parties where individual Clan members would take turns rocking the mic.  This is not to be confused with Klan members, who would be very unlikely to rock the mic under any circumstance.  The Wu-Tang Clan eventually developed a massive following and attracted the interest of several major record labels.  Their first full length album, Enter the 36 Chambers, was released in 1984.

Discography:

Enter the 36 Chambers (1984)

Wu-Tang Forever (1986)

Surfer Rosa (1988)

Nevermind (1991)

Iron Flag (1993)

All Eyez On Me (1995)

Whiskey For My Men, Beer For My Horses (1998)

I Am…Sasha Fierce (2002)

The 8 Diagrams (2006)

Purple Rain (2008)

Group Members:

RZA:

Aliases: Bobby Digital, Abbott, Walnutz Johnson, Heat Ledger, Bobby Steel

Background: One of the three founding members of the Wu-Tang Clan, RZA acts as the primary beat maker for the group.  He’s worked with several artists outside of the group framework and has even made recent forays into big time acting roles, appearing in films like American Gangster, Mrs. Doubtfire and, most memorably,  Derailed, where he was hilariously shot in the head trying to stick up for Clive Owen.

GZA:

Aliases: Justice, Maximillion, Genius, Adam Tod Brown

Background: Two founding members down, one to go.  Amongst Wu-Tang members, GZA has the most established background.  He began rapping way back in 1976.  Rap historians attribute his deep history to the fact that, despite appearing to be the same age as the other members of the group, he’s actually old as all hell.  He released a solo album sometime in the early 90′s on the storied Cold Chillin’ rap label.  You probably would have heard it except for the fact that it sucked major league ass.

Ol’ Dirty Bastard:

Aliases: Osiris, Big Baby Jesus, Ason Unique, Dirt McGirt, Liam Gallagher

Background: The third and final founding member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Ol’ Dirty Bastard was far and away the most avant garde member of the group, possibly because he smoked mountains of crack cocaine in his day.  I say “in his day” because he’s dead now.  He was shot to death by one-hit-wonder Canadian rapper Snow after a dispute over ownership of a silver-toned FUBU ski jacket.  Damn you, Canada!

Method Man:

Aliases: Johnny Blaze, Iron Lung, Joe Smith, Ticallion Stallion, Meth, The Other Redman

Background: Method Man has the unique distinction of being the most commercially viable member of Wu-Tang while at the same time having done very little on his own worth paying attention to.  His solo catalog is rivaled only by The Replacements’ Paul Westerberg as the most disappointing shit of all time.  With that said, the time he got shot in the gut by that Nation of Islam dude on The Wire was so awesome.  Cheese was such a dick.  Oh, and “Bring the Pain” is probably the greatest fucking rap song ever recorded.

Raekwon:

Aliases: The Chef, Lex Diamonds, Anna Farris, Jermajesty Jackson, The Big Bopper, Alias McLotsanames, Juelz Santana, Carlos Santana, Rob Thomas, Jerry Lundegaard, Vincent Damon Furnier, Bumpy Knuckles, Judd Apatow, Prince Rogers Nelson, Silent Bob, John Denver, Malibu Ken, Snowjob, Optimus Prime, Bruce Wayne, Daewoo Lanos, Sony Walkman, Kentucky Bluegrass, Seattle Slew, CC Sabathia, Rex Grossman, American Eagle Outfitters, Sporty Spice, Tron Javolta, Duran Duran, Slim Shady, Tila Tequila, Ric Flair, Beef Stroganoff, Five Dollar Footlong, Mike

Background: You know how, nowadays, every rapper on earth has fifteen different names?  It’s this fucking guy’s fault.

Masta Killa:

Aliases: High Chief, Noodles, Benchwarmer, That Guy At Your Job That Nobody Talks To

Background: Who?  I’m not sure this guy even really exists.

U-God:

Aliases: Golden Arms, Lucky To Have a Job, The Guy That Isn’t Method Man That Also Is Not Masta Killa

Background: U-God once pulled a child and their puppy from a burning car.  It was a hit and run accident.  He also chased down the car that hit them and hurled it into the face of a child molester, at which point it exploded.  The driver and the child molester were instantly killed.

Just joking.  He’s actually never done shit you would care about.

Inspectah Deck:

Aliases: Johnny Castle, Sam Wheat, Dalton

Background: His opening verse on the Wu-Tang classic “Triumph” is one of the greatest of all time.  As far as his career achievements go, it’s only outshined by his star making turn in the classic film Roadhouse.

Ghostface Killah:

Aliases: Tony Stark, Pretty Tony, Ironman, The Most Goddamned Awesome Dude On the Planet

Background: Imagine if Jesus, Allah, Buddah, and Chuck Norris had a son.  Next, imagine that son had the I.Q. of Stephen Hawking and took a shit in the middle of Yellowstone National Park.  Then, that shit fertilized a seed which blossomed into the most majestic tree you’ve ever seen.  After that, John Lennon and George Harrison came back from the dead, built a recording studio inside that tree and coaxed Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr into recording a reunion album that featured a collaboration with Kurt Cobain.  This scenario would still be less awesome than Ghostface Killah.