9/11 No Longer Exists for Dana Perino or FOX News

We are now living in a scary, exciting time.  Why is it scary and exciting?  Because former Bush Press Secretary Dana Perino, Sean Hannity and very likely Glenn Beck have ripped a hole in space/time and crossed dimensions.  And do you know where they are right now?  Buying coffee mugs in one of the twin towers’ gift shops because there were no terrorist attacks under President George Bush.  HOLY SHIT!

In an inane interview of mock outrage that the current administration has not labeled the Ft. Hood shootings a terrorist act, Perino decided to go for the jugular by pointing out that during the last administration there were no terrorist attacks.  And right when the whole of the audience at home was thinking “Oh shit lady, you missed a big one,” the crew at FOX just keep the discussion going, apparently on board with the idea that Obama is all about terrorism while Bush didn’t let any of that shit go down.  In fact, for most of his term, Bush was wearing Iron Man armor and just patrolling the skies, knocking down missiles and lasers and destructobots sent from foreign enemies.

Most of us probably remember that there was a terrorist attack during George Bush’s presidency.  It was kind of a big deal.  It was kind of the biggest goddamn terrorist attack in the history of ever.  You’d think the Press Secretary would have remembered that.  And if any news agency likely had reason to bring it up at the drop of a hat, it’s FOX news.  But they didn’t remember it.  How?  Why?   Alternate dimension, kids.

Perino, Hannity and, yes, Glenn Beck, are Sliders.  They travel from dimension to dimension and have to right wrongs (or wrong rights, you can’t expect Jerry O’Connell to have gotten every aspect of this correct in the TV show) until they’re able to open a new portal and leap through to the next dimension which they hope will be their home.  Their beautiful, conservative home where there was no terrorist attack, not because it was prevented by someone acting on early intel, but because foreigners have been abolished, everyone drinks milk 3 times a day and Jeff Dunham is on every channel all the time.  Creed is the only rock band allowed, and all other music has to include a banjo.  Sex with the lights on is punishable by death.  Spanish is the language of the devil and Mexico is now a parking lot for Disney World part 2.

Europe was annexed as part of Texas and is now used to raise cattle and grow potatoes, the official vegetable of the government of the United States of Earth.  A small colony of Asians live in Australia in the Chinese Food factories where they export noodles every Friday so the good people of the USE can have a fun take-out meal on the weekends.  Universal bedtime is 10PM, and everyone owns a copy of the Bible and the latest Dan Brown novel.  The Statue of Liberty now has John Wayne’s face.  Russia is where all our garbage goes.

They’re likely going to slide out of this dimension soon, so ask any questions you have now before it’s too late.